Washington Resident Bored By Local Elections, Prefers Exhilaratingly Relative Powerlessness of Voting for President
Utterly bored by the exponentially higher impact his voting
choices would have on his daily life and immediate community in a local
municipal election, Seattle voter...
Tim Eyman Slips in Initiative Declaring He ‘Does Not Look Like an Ancient Harvest Idol Carved from a Rotten Turnip’
It’s election season in Seattle, and that can only mean one thing:
A bulbous ballot stuffed with Tim Eyman-authored initiatives designed to skirt
any concern for...
Seattle City Council Candidate Beff Jezos Surges In Polls Following Massive Campaign Donation From Amazon
As the Seattle City Council race continues to heat up, emerging candidate
Beff Jezos has surged in the polls following a slew of donations from...
Sunshine Soon to be Replaced by Eternal, Inescapable Darkness
By Seadiff Nass, Needling Meteorologist
The forecast isn’t looking good. No, my friend,
it looks grim indeed.
I’ve been studying my meteorological charts and
my radars, and the...
Minutes Before Hot Ohio Debate, Sen. Elizabeth Warren Still Obsessively Fantasizing About Seattle
With time running out to psych herself up for a highly anticipated debate with Ohio’s swing-state audience tonight, democratic presidential candidate Sen. Elizabeth Warren...
Proposed ‘Shitty Drink Tax’ Sets Sights on LaCroix
Intended as a counterpart to the sugary drink tax, Seattle voters will decide next month whether to approve or reject a tax on LaCroix,...
Neighbors Report Soon-to-Arrive Seattle Resident Has Already Left
Neighbors who had eagerly anticipated avoiding any social interaction whatsoever with new prospective Seattle renter Russ Hastings were pleasantly surprised to hear news today...
Elementary School Bus Races Minivan with Oregon Plates
Tire squeals and burned rubber left startled parents and teachers searching for answers in front of Everett’s Fairmount Elementary School, where two traffic law-flouting...
Thousands of Engineers Flee Rainier Beach Suffering From Premature Gentrification
A large group of prospective Apple employees have fled the Seattle neighborhood of Rainier Beach this week after reportedly suffering from a mass onset...
New Capitol Hill Streetcar to Travel 2-Block Trek from Frankie & Jo’s to Mighty-O’s
With the overdue and overbudget First Avenue Streetcar project on ice after a canceled contract, the City of Seattle announced Friday that it would...
