Magnolia Named World’s Most Dangerous Neighborhood by Magnolia
Frazzled, bullet-grazed and red lipstick-kissed, crime researchers arrived at a press conference Tuesday evening in window-smashed cars to confirm that Magnolia is the most dangerous neighborhood in the world, according to Magnolia.
“Gun wars...
#TBT: The Needling’s 5 Top-Read Posts for January
January 2019: Picture it! The Seattle metro area before it knew God was going to make one giant coke line out of it for the first half of February. Memories! Let's take a look...
Remote Worker Still Not Remotely Aware She Lives in Igloo Now
Friends of Greenwood remote worker Hannah Ricks are reporting that she seems to be completely unaware that she lives in an igloo now.
“I love working from home,” said Ricks Monday night. “Instead of...
Revealed: Nude Photos Show Bezos Betrayed Us All
Nude photos of Amazon founder and CEO Jeff Bezos, exclusively acquired by The Needling, show that the nature of betrayal in his secret affairs went much further than previously understood.
Images show a buck-naked Bezos...
Seattle Police Now Equipped with Nerf Guns to Make Shootings More Fun
Facing public outcry over fatal shootings and a general malaise amongst its ranks, the Seattle Police Department is looking to put the "happy" back in trigger-happy cops, equipping over 500 officers with Nerf guns,...
Howard Schultz Apologizes for Associating Seattle with Burnt Coffee
Howard Schultz has finally issued a mea culpa to Seattle for forever linking the city with his burnt, flavorless Starbucks coffee.
“It’s on me,” writes Schultz in his new book “Poor Howard: Self-Serving Observations...
Last Street In Seattle Open To Traffic Now Closed For Repairs
The Seattle Department of Transportation announced Monday afternoon that 4th Avenue — the only street in Seattle that was still left open as of this morning — is now closed...
King County Calls Off Search for Missing Bellevue Shopper
King County has called off their search for missing Bellevue shopper Stacy J. Quinn, who was last seen on Christmas Eve looking for affordable gifts at Anthropologie.
“The maze that is the Bellevue Collection takes...
SR 99 Tunnel Quivering to Be Filled to Capacity
State traffic engineers confirmed Friday that State Route 99 tunnel is almost open for business and just waiting to be filled to capacity. The tunnel has sat empty since a massive, throbbing drill spent...
Crime-fighting Dog, Scrappy Teens Solve Murder of Kurt Cobain
Seattle police say they’ve officially classified Nirvana frontman Kurt Cobain’s death as a murder, and the killer is safely behind bars thanks to one tenacious Great Dane and four scrappy teen sleuths. “These kids...
