King County Metro Transit Announces New “C-Line Dion”

Seattle public transit commuters will soon have their hearts go on and on a “uniquely branded pop-culture transportation experience” according to a Thursday morning announcement from King County Metro’s RapidRide program. “I’m proud to announce...

Prowlers Leave Man’s Car Cleaner Than Before

Dale Wexler of Seattle's Arbor Heights awoke early Saturday to find thieves had rifled through his unlocked car in the night, leaving his 1998 Subaru Outback—usually filled with fast food wrappers and other detritus—...

Oh No She Didn’t! Mayor Durkan Hosts Surprise Roast of City Council

Striding into council chambers flocked by a security detail and two aides, Mayor Jenny Durkan stepped to the front of the room during Tuesday’s public comment period and proceeded to roast the eight present...

West Seattle Blog Banned from White House

Following a terse encounter with President Donald Trump at a press conference, the West Seattle Blog has been banned from the White House Press Pool. Known for its hard-hitting coverage of local little-league teams and...

Amazon Issues Nationwide Recall of Bez-Os Cereal

Seattle — Amazon.com (AMZ) is issuing a nationwide recall of its house-brand cereal, Bez-Os, after dozens were reportedly sickened, leaving them bald, rippling with muscles, and unable to withstand direct sunlight. “We’re voluntarily recalling 100,000...

Tower erected above Amazon Spheres set to ejaculate Prime Air drones

The anticipated expansion of Amazon’s empire came to a head this morning when the company announced the tower erected above its Spheres is now ready to ejaculate PrimeAir drones. “We’re coming,” said Amazon CEO Jeff...

Report: Officials eyeing Lenin statue’s ties to Russia

Leaving no stone unturned in their investigation into Russian interference in the 2016 election, Special Counsel Robert Mueller and his associates have repeatedly interviewed the statue of Vladimir Lenin, a prominent fixture embedded in...

Fremont Troll priced out of Fremont, moves to Tukwila

Sightseers under the Aurora Bridge were met with disappointment today after learning that the Fremont Troll has moved from Seattle to Tukwila. “Frankly, this has been a long time coming,” the Troll said. “Rent kept...

Area witches decry city ban on backyard candy cottages

A group of hook-toothed crones hurled hexes and boiled goat entrails in a cauldron outside Seattle City Council chambers on Tuesday to protest proposed legislation banning the use of candy construction materials in backyard...