Jeff Bezos Steps Down as Amazon CEO to Spend More Quality Time with Subterranean Sea of Gold Coins
Pressed for more details on what he would be spending his free time on after stepping down as CEO later this year, Amazon founder...
Snoqualmie Squirrel Predicts Six More Months of Going Nuts
Not to be outshone by Pennsylvania’s Punxsutawney Phil on Groundhog Day, Washington’s own Snoqualmie Squirrel emerged from his cozy tree hovel today to announce...
25-Year-Old Horrified to Discover He 40 in Pandemic Years
As the coronavirus pandemic has forced the nation into sedentary lifestyles and rustic hobbies, one 25-year-old was horrified to learn today that he’s aged...
Seattle Police Union to Investigate Officers Who Didn’t Attend January 6th DC Riots
To ensure the utmost professionalism in its ranks, Seattle Police Officers Guild President Mike Solan announced today that the union would be opening up...
Local Seattleite Still Peeking Between Blinds at Suspiciously Sunny Day
Following weeks of freakishly cold weather and record rainfall, one local man has spent all day leering through his cracked blinds at the suspiciously...
2021 Off to Terrifying Start as Extraterrestrial Jellyfish Claim Space Needle
Hopes that 2021 would be more calm and safe than 2020 were immediately dashed at midnight when an army of extraterrestrial jellyfish claimed Seattle’s...
Spoiled Brat Riding Out Rest of 2020 in Womb
While the entire world collectively suffered the wrath of 2020, one spoiled unborn brat is reportedly on track for sparing himself the misery of...
PNW Thanks Hawaii for Handling ‘Volcano Eruption’ on 2020 Bingo Cards
Residents across the Pacific Northwest expressed relief today that Hawaii stepped up overnight to handle the inevitable 2020 Bingo call-out for the “volcano eruption”...
Tacoma PD Claims Officer ‘Feared for New Paint Job’ Before Plowing Car Into Crowd
Although videos of a Tacoma police officer ramming his cruiser through a crowd over the weekend look and sound disturbing, local police union president...
CEO Assures MLK Would Have Wanted You to Work Today
In and inspiring e-mail to staff who mandatorily worked on Martin Luther King Jr. Day, CEO of local tech firm HustleCorps assured his employees...
