Local Woman Quickly Running Out of Spaces to Organize
Friends and family are growing increasingly concerned for one local woman who is dangerously close to running out of closets, drawers and shelves to...
Joe Biden Vows to Bring Troops Home from Vietnam, Work with Soviets on Détente
Wilmington, Delaware – In a statement livestreamed from the depths of his basement office, Joe Biden vowed today to unite both progressive and moderate...
Report: Grandma Still Waiting for You to Call
Multiple sources including your parents are reporting that your sweet old grandmother is currently still sitting in her big chair, half-watching I Love Lucy,...
Our Top 6 Real Fake News Headlines Mistaken for Fake Real News
Here at The Needling, we take our credibility as Seattle’s Only Real Fake News as seriously as possible. We say it at the top...
Marie Kondo Sheds Single Tear as Pickup Truck Full of Toilet Paper Speeds By
A peaceful day of tidying up was interrupted this afternoon when international minimalist sensation Marie Kondo witnessed a pickup truck hauling a 10-foot high...
Seattle’s Anti-social Reputation Threatened By Disturbingly Introvert-friendly Transplant
Concerns are mounting that Seattle’s long-held reputation for being full of unwelcoming, anti-social assholes is in danger following reports that at least one introvert-friendly...
Raccoon Elder Council Recommends Washing Food for 20 Seconds with Weird Little Hands
Unable to resist the allure of a hand-washing related hygiene crisis, the Raccoon Elders Council emerged from their reclusive oak hollows and abandoned burrows...
Thousands in Seattle Area Attacked, Blinded by Sudden Appearance of Flaming Orb Floating in Sky
Public Health officials are reporting that thousands if not millions of Seattle area residents were suddenly struck in the face with spring-like rays of...
Prolonged Quarantine Threatens to Deplete Local Hygge Reserves
Extra blankets at the ready and tea kettle bubbling, Fremont couple Henry and June Culbert's cozy nights have rapidly turned to quiet desperation as...
Midwest Transplants Mocked for Inability to Canoe Through Downtown in Unceasing Rain
In lieu of last year’s city-incapacitating snowpocalypse, Seattle's ongoing deluge of liquid rain is once again giving local natives the upper hand on handling...
