Tanya Woo Looking Forward to Seattle Voters Telling Her to Fuck Off for 4th Time Straight This Fall
King County GOP darling, landlord who’s not a big fan of Juneteenth BBQs, homeless shelter plan killer, affordable housing plan destroyer and currently appointed Seattle City Councilmember Tanya Woo told reporters today after the...
Disappointing: Seattle Public Library Employee Responding to Overdose Fails to Shoot Anyone
Tough on crime critics were reportedly disappointed today after a Seattle Public librarian quickly responded to an overdose, but failed to shoot the man or anyone else on the scene.
“When I saw a man...
Blue Angels Circle Seattle 12 Times in Attempt to Find Parking
The annual Seafair Weekend Festival got off to an odd start Friday when the highly anticipated Blue Angels performance turned into what was reportedly just circling Seattle 12 times in an attempt to find...
Smith Tower Vaporized After Seattle Central Library Accidentally Turns Sunbeam into Death Star Laser
Seattle unexpectedly lost a landmark today after a perfectly angled sunbeam bounced off Seattle Central Library’s windows and accidentally turned into a Death Star laser that vaporized Smith Tower.
“It’s unclear if this was a...
Homeless Encampment Swept Ahead of North Seattle Walk to End Homelessness 5K
North Seattle philanthropists rejoiced today when they learned police had swept a large homeless encampment just in time for their 9th Annual Walk to End Homelessness 5K this weekend.
“It’s a miracle! For the homeless...
Groundbreaking Study Shows Bellevue Getting Better in Every Way Except Still Being Bellevue
As the local economic landscape continues to shift, a new breakthrough study shows Bellevue is giving Seattle a run for its money by getting better in almost every single way except still being Bellevue.
“It’s...
SPS Contracts with IDF to Close All Seattle Schools
After much local controversy about which Seattle public schools the district will need to close for budgetary reasons, today the district announced it will be contracting that work out to the IDF, Israel’s military.
“We...
Touching! How Kevin Spacey Inspired Former SPD Chief to Come Out as Gay Right After Being Accused of Sex Crimes
In the most touching story yet this Pride Month, this week former Seattle Police Chief Adrian Diaz thanked actor Kevin Spacey for helping him find the courage to come out as gay shortly after...
Seafair Pirate Boat Torpedoed by Coast Guard, So That Problem Is Finally Solved
After someone told them that a boat full of pirates have been terrorizing the city of Seattle every summer since 1950, today the U.S. Coast Guard torpedoed the pirates’ Moby Duck boat as it...
‘Please Kill Me,’ Says Up House Begging for Sweet Release of Demolition
As Ballard and the rest of the Seattle community continued discussing for the 16th year in a row potential uses of the house that inspired part of the 2009 Disney Pixar movie “Up,” today...
