‘No-no-no-no,’ Whispers Harrell After Mayoral Sash Turned Pink By Red Sock Left In Laundry
Right before his first mayoral inauguration event today, a frantic Bruce Harrell was reportedly heard whispering swears to himself upon finding his mayoral sash...
KUOW Says the Subarus Are Next If You Don’t Become a Sustaining Member
Shortly after Seattle’s local NPR affiliate KUOW reported that a glitch in local Mazdas had the vehicles’ radio stations permanently stuck on KUOW no...
With Passes Open, Seattle Residents Forced to Think of New Excuses for Not Visiting Family in Eastern Washington
Thanks to the tireless work of Washington State Department of Transportation crews and early spring-like weather re-opening all of the state’s major passes again,...
National Coin Shortage No Match for Landlord’s Coin-operated Laundry Fetish
Despite being more than a year into a national coin shortage, nothing can dampen one local landlord’s fetish for quarter-eating laundry machines.
“Call me old...
How to Cope with Being Single During the Holidays While Every Street in Seattle is Getting Plowed
The city’s new snowplow, Sleet Davidson, has already plowed through Marion, Madison, and Cherry while all you managed to do Christmas weekend was swipe...
Santa to Leave Lumps of West Seattle Bridge in Naughty Kids Stockings
Naughty children could be in for a surprise this holiday season after reports emerged that Santa would be leaving large chunks of rubble from...
Elf on the Shelf Loses Job to Automation
A tenured seasonal employee was unceremoniously laid off today after one local family decided to replace their longtime Elf on the Shelf with Amazon’s...
Bruce Harrell Unveils Plan to Create 1,000 New Prison Beds for Homeless
Following up on his campaign promise to create 1,000 new beds for the homeless, today new Seattle Mayor Bruce Harrell unveiled plans to generously...
Mayor Harrell to Extend Eviction Moratorium So Everyone Has Time to Move into Their Vacation Houses
After much anticipation over whether renters financially ravaged by the pandemic would suddenly be facing the end of Seattle’s eviction moratorium this weekend on...
Man Stuck in Aurora COVID Test Line Hoping to Make it Past Home Depot by Next Variant
With COVID cases surging and the Aurora testing line backed up for miles, one local man is holding out hope that he can make...
