Nobel Prize Awarded to Only Downtown Coffee Shop with Open Public Bathroom
As the Nobel Committee announced its annual honors this week, today one local café was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize for being the only downtown coffee shop in Seattle with an open public bathroom.
“For...
Local Non-Profit Politely Declines MacKenzie Scott’s Donation of Second Husband
Today local non-profit Meals on Wheels on Wheels announced that although it was honored to be selected as a beneficiary of a donation from MacKenzie Scott, former wife of Jeff Bezos, it would be...
Squirrel Bursts into Flames Signaling Six More Weeks of Heat Wave
Seattle meteorologists confirmed an additional six weeks of record Pacific Northwest heat waves today after local common gray squirrel Pyrotechnic Pete spontaneously burst into flames.
“Move over Punxsutawney Phil, America has a new rodent-based weather/climate...
Landlords Now Requiring Dog’s Credit Score
Adding to the longer list of requirements renters must meet to secure housing in pricey and competitive rent markets like Seattle, local landlords are now requiring prospective tenants pay for credit checks on their...
‘That Actually Happened in Unincorporated King County,’ Reports Guy from Enumclaw
Tonight a guy from Enumclaw reported that, for what it's worth, it actually happened in Unincorporated King County.
“It actually happened about five miles north of Enumclaw, not in Enumclaw proper—big difference,” reported the guy,...
Bellingham Expels Citizen with Normal Name
Raucous applause broke out at tonight’s virtual Bellingham City Council special session following a 7-1 vote formally exiling former Bellingham resident Kyle Johnson.
City
Manager Whetlande Cormlin-Smatt went on the record before the final vote...
Man Driving Ram Pickup Truck on I-90 Pulled Over for Failure to Tailgate
After putting countless cars on-edge wondering when the driver was finally going to almost rear-end them before speeding ahead rolling coal, local Ram pickup truck driver Alan Stephens was finally pulled over this afternoon...
Out-of-Control Ferry Continues Reign of Chaos, Crashes through Amazon Spheres Dragging Space Needle Behind It
Almost an entire two weeks after it ran off-course and smashed half its face into a Fauntleroy Dock piling, Vashon ferry Cathlamet continued its unabated reign of terror on the city of Seattle today...
Microsoft Worker Still Thinks He Can Convince Friends to Use Bing
In the middle of a heated argument over the name of the actor who played Mr. Belvedere, 34-year-old Microsoft UX Designer Steve Ashby tragically revealed today he still thinks there's an even remote possibility...
Experts Warn of Toxic Algae Ghosting After Giving You Weird Rash
With another warm weekend on tap, experts are cautioning people against having one last summertime fling in local lakes filled with toxic algae that reportedly ghosts you after giving you a weird rash.
“One of...
