Apocalyptic Earthquake Headed for Seattle Stuck In Everett Traffic
Crisis was averted today as an apocalyptic, city shattering earthquake heading towards Seattle was halted in its tracks by an impenetrable Everett traffic-jam.
“We really...
Lynnwood Removes Flock Cameras to Protect Identities of People Who Have to Live in Lynnwood
This week Lynnwood became the first city in the state of Washington to officially terminate its contract with Flock and remove all its cameras...
Billionaires Missing, Presumed Dead After Raft Fleeing Millionaire Tax Capsizes Off Mercer Island
A group of local billionaires is feared dead today after the Millionaire Tax refugees’ raft was seen capsizing off the shores of Mercer Island.
“Unfortunately...
Mayor Wilson Opens Mind to Adding Surveillance Cameras After Hearing They Can Help Find Lost Dogs
Although she opposed surveillance camera expansion along with the ACLU, Northwest Immigrant Rights Project and many other advocates last year during her campaign, this...
Millionaire Tax Already Working
Billionaire, former Starbucks CEO, and man who sold the Seattle SuperSonics to Oklahoma City Howard Schultz announced this week he’s moved to Miami, proving...
Mount Adams Blames Extra Seismic Activity on Upstairs Neighbors
Although scientists from the U.S. Geological Survey have observed a sustained spike in seismic activity from Mount Adams recently including quakes three days in...
SPD Asks for Special Chair to Sit in If They Have to Just Watch ICE Brutalize People
Upset that they’re not allowed to help ICE agents violate people’s constitutional rights—only document them doing it—today Seattle Police Department officers asked Mayor Katie...
Kristi Noem Fired After Attempting to Buy, Wear Seattle Hat ‘n’ Boots
President Donald Trump fired Department of Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem today after discovering she had not only blown more than $200 million on...
Southern Resident Conservation Groups Against More Affordable Housing Just Assuming Orcas Also Racist
Assuming Southern Residents are just as afraid of living next to more coloreds and poors as they are, today a coalition of orca-loving conservatives...
Uninvaded Seattle Beginning to Feel Like Trump Doesn’t Even Think It Has Antifa Anymore
As the city watched the Trump administration focus its ire and extrajudicial forces on just about every other liberal bubble in the country, today...
