Mom Lusting for Le Creuset Dutch Oven Only Wants “Happy Children” for Christmas
Despite clearly biting her lip and shivering with pleasure as she stroked a Marseille blue Le Creuset Dutch oven at Sur la Table, local mother Diana McDougal confirmed today that all she wants for...
Belltown Resident Excited Order Tracker Shows Only 90,000 Minutes Left Until Moto Pizza Ready
Overjoyed that he won’t have to wait literally forever to satisfy his craving for Detroit-style pizza here in Seattle, today Belltown resident Bryan Miller was excited to see an order tracker update confirming his...
Seattle Magazine Designates Ellensburg ‘Best Pee Break in Washington’
Move aside Cle Elum – ain’t nobody got time for number two: According to Seattle Magazine, this year’s top pee break in Washington state is once again none other than Ellensburg.
Flocked by undulating...
Worn-Out Rick Steves Recommends Indefinite Staycation in Edmonds
After years
of traveling as the eponymous host of Rick Steves’ Europe, the erudite guide
who once encouraged audiences to venture off the beaten path announced today his
show will now focus on his indefinite staycation where...
Mayor Durkan Brings Sonics Back to Seattle Center Food Court
Fulfilling a promise she made long ago, today Seattle Mayor Jenny Durkan announced that she’s finally brought the Sonics back to the Seattle Center food court.
“It took years of lobbying and negotiation to make...
Alaska Airlines Trolls CDC Headquarters with ‘Don’t Be Such a Little Bitch’ Skywriting Message
While still attempting to appeal the decision of a Trump-appointed Florida judge that struck down the national travel mask mandate, the CDC was totally owned today when an Alaska Airlines jet wrote “don’t be...
Alaska Smooths Over Boeing MAX Blowout by Only Seating People Who Take Their Shoes Off During Flight Near Plug Doors
Following a dramatic incident in which a door flew off a Boeing 737 MAX during flight, Alaska Airlines reassured wary passengers today that they will take all necessary precautions to only seat people who...
Seattle Coffee Shops Thrust Back at Starbucks Porn Ban
A collective of independent coffee shops in Seattle are firing back at Starbucks’ plan to ban pornography from their in-store wifi, offering customers the kind of double-dicking, elbow-deep, all-anal action that leaves absolutely nothing...
Everett Bikini Barista Stand Revealed As Stealth Starbucks
A full decade after the Capitol Hill 15th Avenue Coffee & Tea Raid of 2009, the Stealth Starbucks concept has struck again – this time in Everett where raging customers just discovered the truth...
We Take a Look Back at the Essential Workers of the Titanic
For today’s #ThrowbackThursday, we’re dipping deep into our archives to pay tribute to the essential workers of the Titanic.
Although almost every single one of them tragically and unwillingly died to due to the White...
