Minnesota Dad Unconvinced That Seattle Isn’t on the Coast
Despite pleadings from a son who has lived in Seattle for more than a decade, Minnesota father of five Tim Edwards remains resolute in his findings that the city of Seattle lies on the...
Cute: This DoorDash User Thinks Food Delivery Guy Actually Got His Tip
In a display of utter cuteness today, Greenwood resident Matt Prescott adorably paid a gracious in-app tip intended for his DoorDash delivery guy, actually trusting the Silicon Valley-founded company running the app wouldn’t fully...
Gov. Inslee Under White House Pressure to Add Trump’s Face to Gum Wall
Following a recent inquiry President Trump made about having his head added to Mount Rushmore, details have emerged of a call Governor Jay Inslee received inquiring how the President might go about getting his...
Cranberry Sauce Performs Seductive Little Shimmy Out of Can
Visitors of a local Thanksgiving feast were treated to dinner and a show today after a can of jellied cranberry sauce performed a seductive little shimmy out of its can.
“Ladies and gentleman, it’s the...
Ugh: White Coworker’s Cinco de Mayo Guacamole Has Raisins in It Again
A local office Cinco de Mayo potluck took a tragic turn today when coworkers discovered that Teresa from Sales had once again destroyed an entire bowl of guacamole with the addition of raisins.
“So many...
White Man in Uwajimaya Saves Day With Kewpie Mayo Recommendation
Today a helpless woman who looked like she had no idea what she was doing in the exotic aisles of Uwajimaya, Seattle’s best Asian grocery store, was rescued by a cultured and learned white...
DEA Classifies Molly Moon’s as Schedule 1 Drug
Citing its high overdose potential, the Drug Enforcement Administration (DEA) officially added Molly Moon’s ice cream to its list of Schedule 1 substances today.
“Molly Moon’s is widely available, economically priced, and appealing — especially...
Single Xmas-Light Tumbleweed Rolls Down Abandoned Leavenworth Main Street
An eerie quiet has fallen over the
festive town of Leavenworth as holiday crowds have abandoned the snowbound
mountain hamlet, leaving only a lone, tangled tumbleweed of Christmas lights
tumbling down Main Street.
“Christmas is over and...
Brave Local Bearded Man Comes Out as Not a Big Fan of IPAs
After years of hiding a truth he feared would alienate himself from friends and family alike, brave local bearded man Martin Price has officially come out as "actually not a fan of IPAs at...
Seattle Reaches Munchies Security Threat Level ‘Dorito Orange’ As QFC Locks Up Ice Cream
On the holiest of high days, 4/20, today threats to the local munchie supply chain reached the critically dangerous “Dorito Orange” level as QFC grocery stores across Seattle locked up their full stock of...
