Magnolia Neighborhood Vandalized By Vegan Teens Pelting Houses With Egg Substitute
A Magnolia neighborhood was terrorized today as a roving band of vegan teens went on a health-conscious Halloween crime spree, reportedly pelting houses with...
Third Round of Refrigerator Grazing Officially Counts as Dinner
In a landmark study conducted by the University of Washington, scientists
have finally concluded that your third round of refrigerator grazing officially
counts as dinner.
“We conducted...
Scientists Confirm Thanksgiving Gatherings Only Safe If Everyone There Voted for Biden
Liberal families across the country rejoiced today as CDC scientists confirmed that inviting friends and family over for Thanksgiving during a pandemic is totally...
Stuffing Turkey Most Intimacy Man Has Experienced Since March
Lacking any human touch since March, a Fremont man has experienced his first spark of intimacy in months today while stuffing and dressing his...
Low-Paid Non-Union Assembly Sure to Stop Boeing Planes From Falling Out of Sky
In an effort to rebuild trust in its assembly line quality after cutting corners led to several of its planes falling out of the...
Ultralight Backpacker Removes Ribs to Save Weight
After years of downsizing his list of backpacking essentials, veteran ultralight backpacker Nathan Hurley said he’s ready to head out this weekend with his...
Man Kinda Wishes He Knew Second Stimulus Not Coming Before He Spent $49 on Single Turnip at PCC
A Fremont man returned from PCC with a nasty surprise today after discovering that a second stimulus check would not eventually be arriving this...
Smokey Bear Authorized by NPS to Maul Noncompliant Campers
Underfunded, undermanned and facing the threat of another dire wildfire season in the midst of a global pandemic, a desperate U.S. National Park Service...
Durkan’s Police Defunding Plans Just Very Realistic Cake
A week after Seattle Mayor Jenny Durkan handed out copies of her police defunding proposal, skeptical activists finally dug into the documents today only...
Gov. Inslee Under White House Pressure to Add Trump’s Face to Gum Wall
Following a recent inquiry President Trump made about having his head added to Mount Rushmore, details have emerged of a call Governor Jay Inslee...
