Local Mom Blows Dust Off Uneaten Marshmallow Peeps for 7th Straight Year
Continuing an Easter tradition like no other, today one local Mom retrieved the uneaten marshmallow peeps from a box in the garage and blew...
Sick Bastard Puts Olive Oil in Coffee and Then Restricts Bathroom Access
As Howard Schultz prepares to take a bow at Starbucks, the CEO announced his final act would be infusing coffee with olive oil in...
Aw! These Oregonians Think Mount Hood Is Worth Taking Pictures Of
One Seattle resident’s quick work trip down to Portland this week led to the discovery of Oregonians who think Mount Hood is actually worth...
Man in Head-to-Toe Carhartt Must Be Heading to Coal Mine After Shift at Vegan Dog Bakery
Customers at a local vegan dog bakery were impressed by the gritty work ethic of one of its Carhartt-clad employees, who everyone assumes must...
Male Orca? This Man Is Only Still Alive Because His Mother Feeds Him Salmon Every Day
A recent scientific report confirming that male southern resident orcas stay completely dependent on their mothers feeding them for their entire life has some...
New Canlis Menu Written by ChatGPT Promises ‘Cunnilingus Adventure for Your Taste Birds’
No stranger to experimentation, famed dining destination Canlis reportedly asked AI chatbot ChatGPT to write tonight’s special menu, but discovered they might have a...
Local FBI Agent Confused, Disappointed by Pi Day Celebrations
Local FBI Agent Dale Cooper went on record today to say that despite today, March 14, allegedly being Pi Day, he was disappointed to...
Dick’s to Celebrate 69th Birthday with 69-cent Milkshakes
Seattle’s beloved Dick’s announced it’s celebrating its 69th birthday this week with 69-cent milkshakes.
“We usually sell 19-cent burgers for our annual Burger Day anniversaries—the...
Inflation Woes Continue as Beth’s Cafe 12-Egg Omelette Now Costs $37,000
Inflation woes continued to mount today as diners excited for Beth’s Cafe grand re-opening were shocked to find that the surging price of eggs...
Seattle Couple Plans Destination Wedding for West Seattle
Recently engaged Seattle lovebirds Kevin Hwang and Trucy Schmidt formally announced today that their destination wedding will take place on the far-flung shores of...
