Guy Sighing Loudly While Waiting for Prescription Charged With Domestic Terrorism
A local man was charged with domestic terrorism today while waiting for a prescription in a Walgreens after his loud sighs were construed as...
Elon Musk Jolts Awake in Cold Sweat After Recurring Nightmare of Trans Athlete Dunking on Him
Multi-hyphenate tech CEO Elon Musk reportedly jolted awake in a cold sweat today after suffering a recurring nightmare of a transgender athlete dunking on...
Home Depot Unveils 12-Foot Turkey Carcass Skeleton
Hoping to keep its giant decorative skeleton gravy train going through Thanksgiving, today The Home Depot announced it’s now selling enormous 12-foot Turkey Carcass...
Christmas Canceled After Santa’s Boeing Sleigh Falls Apart
Christmas was reportedly canceled today after the sleigh Santa had commissioned from Boeing fell apart, stranding the holiday deity just outside of SeaTac.
"I told...
San Andreas Earthquake Welcome to Launch West Coast Off to Sea Anytime Now
Following a prolonged vote-counting process that threatens to drag on for what little remains of our doomed lives after Donald Trump’s probably successful bid...
Burnt Out ‘Seattle Pubic Storage’ Sign Significantly Less Charming Than ‘Tacoma Elf Storage’
One local storage facility manager's attempt at viral glory flopped today after the public found his “Seattle Pubic Storage” sign significantly less charming than...
Martin Selig Evicts Three Ghosts Sent to Teach Him a Lesson About Christmas
Local real estate mogul Martin Selig reportedly kicked three supernatural visitors to the curb early today after the ghosts attempted to teach him a...
Cash-Strapped Renter Actually Pretty Stoked About Free Eggs and Toilet Paper Thrown at House
With rents rising and grocery prices soaring, one local man was quietly thrilled after his house was vandalized with eggs and toilet paper during...
Parents Mortified as Kids Turn Elf on the Shelf Into Snitch in the Ditch
A pair of Seattle parents awoke to an alarming scene today when they discovered the festive Elf on the Shelf perched on their fireplace...
Netflix Fireplace Left Unattended Burns Through 300 Hours of Nature Documentaries
A local family returning from vacation this week was left astonished when they discovered an unattended Netflix fireplace in their living room had burned...
