‘My Precious…’ Moans I-5 Motorist, Stroking $30 Car Tab in 14th Hour of Commute
Following the apparent passage of Tim Eyman’s I-976 last week, initiative
supporters are celebrating by covering up the rumbling sounds of crumbling
public transportation infrastructure on...
Desperate Pete Carroll Spends Sunday Morning Luring Marshawn Lynch to CenturyLink with Trail of Skittles
Facing a slew of injuries heading into the final game of the regular season, a desperate Seattle Seahawks head coach Pete Carroll spent game...
Panicked Social Media Managers Furiously Crank Out Kwanzaa Tweet
A silent night turned into a cacophony of clattering keyboards as the nation’s social media managers roused from their beds last night to crank...
‘Holiday Family Runaway 5K’ Participants Turn to Bitter Cold to Escape Loving Family
In what has become an annual Seward
Park tradition, a group of die-hard holiday fun runners have once again turned
to the bitter winter cold to...
Benaroya Hall Debuts Halloween ‘Sounds of Horror’ Series with Nickelbachmaninoff Symphony No. 2
Benaroya Hall's spooky foray into the macabre via its brand-new Halloween ‘Sounds of Horror’ series kicked off last night with the premier of Nickelbachmaninoff...
Ghost of Christmas Future On Floor Gently Rocking Self Back and Forth After Visiting Jeff Bezos
One of the Ghost of Christmas Future’s customary visits to a wealth-hoarding tycoon ended abruptly this morning after a brief glimpse into Jeff Bezos’...
Burke Museum Unveils New Giraffe Skeleton in Ominous ‘5 to 10 Years, Tops’ Exhibit
Following a long renovation, the Burke Museum re-opened its doors earlier this month with a host of new features and exhibits. The beloved natural...
Caffé Vita Relents; Employees Can Now Give Pastries To Homeless If Thrown Really Hard
In response to the firing of ten employees for the grotesque shame the company suffered when rogue baristas recklessly distributed old coffee and stale...
Walmart Rolls Out the Ceremonial Grandma For Black Friday Shoppers
A Walmart in Kent treated a special group of early Black Friday shoppers to celebrity treatment this morning when they rolled out the Ceremonial...
Seattle Aquarium Unveils Thanksgiving ‘Orc-Porp-Phin’ Feast for Wealthy Donors
A clandestine Thanksgiving tradition was uncovered this week, as intrepid Needling reporters revealed that a cabal of wealthy Seattle Aquarium donors were treated to...
