Gov. Inslee Updates COVID Guidelines to Mandate Aaron Donald Must Stay 6 Feet From Russell Wilson
Ahead of today’s wild-card matchup between the Seattle Seahawks and the Los Angeles Rams, Governor Jay Inslee made a surprise announcement that he would...
Woman Breaks in Half Attempting to Stand Up After 14-Hour Netflix Binge
An enormous rumble shook the foundation of a Ballard home today when Beth Johnson stood up from a 14-hour Netflix binge to find that...
New COVID Conspiracy Claims Vaccine Contains Miniaturized School Bus Full of Children
Conspiracy Facebook groups across the internet are spiking with activity today after reports surfaced from conspiracy theorist ‘D33P St8 H8r’ that the much anticipated...
Cat Only Ornament Left on Tree
After weeks of fending off the inevitable, Capitol Hill pet owner Beth Stalworth announced tonight that her cat is now the only ornament left...
Four Horsemen of Apocalypse Delayed by Maze of One-Way Downtown Streets
KOMO is now reporting that the complete and utter destruction of Emerald City has been delayed indefinitely as the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse...
Magnolia Neighborhood Vandalized By Vegan Teens Pelting Houses With Egg Substitute
A Magnolia neighborhood was terrorized today as a roving band of vegan teens went on a health-conscious Halloween crime spree, reportedly pelting houses with...
Rover Announces New Walking Service for Quarantined Shut-ins
Seattle dog walking service Rover has today announced it will be expanding its services to provide daily socially distanced walks to attention-starved quarantine shut-ins...
Third Round of Refrigerator Grazing Officially Counts as Dinner
In a landmark study conducted by the University of Washington, scientists
have finally concluded that your third round of refrigerator grazing officially
counts as dinner.
“We conducted...
Stuffing Turkey Most Intimacy Man Has Experienced Since March
Lacking any human touch since March, a Fremont man has experienced his first spark of intimacy in months today while stuffing and dressing his...
Woke Man Rushes to Make Amazon Purchases Ahead of Black Friday Boycott
Reportedly fed up with the capitalist greed plaguing America every holiday season, one woke Capitol Hill man spent the day preparing for his boycott...
