Tucker Carlson Questions Why Dark Meat Needs to Be Served at Thanksgiving
Ahead of the long holiday weekend, today Fox News host Tucker Carlson said on his nationally televised program he just wanted to know why...
Green Lake Paddle Boarders Spotted Migrating I-5 South for Winter
Nature lovers rejoiced in Seattle today as massive flocks of Green Lake-native paddle boarders started their annual migration I-5 South to warmer California climes.
“Nature...
Local Casanova Comes to Bed Wearing Nothing but ‘I Voted’ Sticker
With election results expected to pour in long into the night, one local Casanova wooed his lover by coming to bed wearing nothing but...
Park Rangers Advise Hikers to Ward Off Bears by Loudly Announcing Median Housing Prices
As bears reach their most active foraging season to prepare for winter hibernation, park rangers are advising hikers this fall that the most effective...
Howard Schultz Crashes Wedding to Stop Marital Union from Being Recognized
Howard Schultz’s anti-union crusade continued today after the interim Starbucks CEO crashed a local wedding to prevent the couple’s marital union from being recognized.
“I...
Seattle Residents Forced to Seek Refuge Underground as Leaf Blowers Render Surface Uninhabitable
Just when Seattleites thought it was safe to go outside after this month’s Smokepocalypse, weary residents have been forced to seek refuge underground as...
Scientists Make First Contact with Lost Civilization Discovered in West Seattle
Following the long-awaited reopening of the West Seattle Bridge, local scientists were shocked to discover that a lost civilization was thriving in the remote,...
SPD Attempts to Arrest 68,740 People After New ShotSpotter Tech Reports Loud Noises at Lumen Field
A pilot program of Mayor Bruce Harrell’s new ShotSpotter gunshot detection technology ran into a snag this last weekend when the Seattle Police Department...
God Clears Schedule to Watch Russell Wilson Smite the Seahawks
Ahead of a Monday Night Football matchup between the Seattle Seahawks and Denver Broncos, God has reportedly cleared his schedule to watch Russell Wilson’s...
Mariners Wear New All-Leather Uniforms to Edge Fans for One Last Day
The Mariners surprised the sold-out crowd at T-Mobile Park today with all-leather home alternate uniforms to better edge their fans’ playoff division series hopes...
