Rapidly Aging 23-Year-Old Already Unsure Who Half of Capitol Hill Block Party Lineup Is
It was a sobering day for Cooper Ryan as he opened The Stranger to find an unfamiliar lineup at this year’s Capitol Hill Block...
Melting Snowman Curses Eight-Year-Old Creator for Pain of Fleeting Existence
As the snow from Friday’s wintery flurry begins to slowly fade away, one deformed, half-melted snowman has cursed his eight-year-old creator for condemning him...
Seattle Aquarium Holds Thanksgiving ‘Orc-Porp-Phin’ Feast for Wealthy Donors
A clandestine Thanksgiving tradition was uncovered this week as intrepid Needling reporters revealed that a cabal of wealthy Seattle Aquarium donors were treated to...
Family Not Sure What to Do with Other Trees in Costco Christmas 6-Pack
After getting a great Christmas tree deal at Costco and decorating one at home today, one local family admitted they were struggling with what...
Archaeologists Find Leif Erikson Also First Explorer to Discover Parking on Market Street on a Sunday
Just in time for Leif Erikson Day, new archaeological evidence has been discovered to suggest that, in addition to being the first European to...
Office Workers Secretly Waiting for Landing Seaplane to Decapitate Paddleboarder
A recent poll of Westlake office workers revealed that an astonishing 87% of employees secretly hope that a landing seaplane will accidentally decapitate a...
Opponents of Denny Blaine Nude Beach Propose DeGenitalized Zone
After failing to construct a playground intended to disrupt the historically queer nude beach at Denny Blaine Park and then failing to have the...
Mariners Honor Big Dumper by Transforming ‘Hit It Here Cafe’ into ‘The Dump’
The Mariners announced their decision to honor Cal 'Big Dumper' Raleigh today by transforming the "Hit It Here Café” into “The Dump.”
"Cal has hit...
Nation Agrees Your Tiny, One-Road Country Town Definitely The One Getting Nuked by Iran
In a rare showing of national unity, the entire country has come together today to agree that your minuscule, strategically insignificant town is fucking...
Help SPD Name Its New Urban Warfare Tank!
Wealth inequality is at an all-time high, underfunded schools are closing, and the city's unhoused population is exploding. Thankfully we live in one of...
