Hero! Man Thaws Seattle Freeze by Talking to Every Attractive Woman on Bus
You might’ve heard of the Seattle Freeze: the stereotype that Seattleites are notoriously hard to make friends with. But one local hero is doing his part to thaw Seattle out! Every day during his...
Seattle Officials Continue to Insist “West Edge” is a Real Neighborhood
Head of the Downtown Seattle Association, Garett Brooks, held a press conference this afternoon to remind everyone that West Edge is a “real neighborhood” and “not an elaborate joke perpetrated by the city.”
“Look, it’s...
Area Man Just Can’t Find Time for 2-Minute Meditation Practice
After being advised by his doctor to take up a two-minute daily meditation practice, Tom Sweeney, 43, has some scheduling concerns.“My life is just too hectic for that,” said Sweeney, reporting that his commitment...
Finally! San Francisco Lets Seattle Sit at Their Lunch Table
Celebration filled the streets of Seattle as its foggier upperclassman, San Francisco, finally allowed the Emerald City to sit at their lunch table.
While seemingly overdue, the move has been hailed by Seattleites as confirmation...
Man’s Faith in Imminent Rise of Atheism Shaken After Visit to Bellevue
Friends of a Seattle atheist report he has been rendered virtually catatonic after accidentally witnessing the popularity of church-going during a recent visit to Bellevue.
Roommates of 32-year-old Rich Gawkins say he’s been couch-bound in...
Local Musician Launches Kickstarter to Fund Relevancy
Local musician Todd Shoemaker has announced on social media
that he’s launching a campaign on Kickstarter to raise money and awareness for
his relevance.
“My friends, it’s true: I’m finally stepping back into the spotlight with...
International District Renamed Everywhere District
Seattle residents are applauding the renaming of the International District, colloquially known as “the ID”, to the more inclusive Everywhere District.
“It’s really a big step forward for Seattle,” said Mayor Jenny Durkan as she...
Study Finds Tourists With Umbrella 37% More Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious
A landmark study that's flying in the face of conventional Seattle wisdom has found that tourists with umbrellas tested 37 percent higher in supercalifragilisticexpialidociousness.
"Although umbrella use in Seattle is usually something atrocious, we're finding...
Local Hipster Starts New Seattle Arts Magazine, Realizes She Doesn’t Have The Right Haircut
Local hipster Sarah E. Miller was dead-set on starting a new kind of Seattle arts magazine when she realized, to her horror, that she did not have the right haircut and should therefore not...
“Seattle Squeeze? Yes, Please!” Jokes Divorcee Desperate For Warmth Of Human Touch
The closure of the Alaskan Way Viaduct has strained traffic around the region for weeks, causing tempers to flare for many – but not for Seattle divorcee Brent Buttinger.
“Seattle Squeeze? Yes, please! We can...
