Bothell Man to Sneak Joint Into Hempfest

Bothell resident Charles Campbell said he was ecstatic today to announce his plans to sneak a joint into Hempfest, which he’s clearly attending for the first time. "I know it's legal to have pot in Seattle...

UW Cryptographer Finally Cracks Ancient ‘Yellow Ledbetter’ Language

Citing it as a historic breakthrough in lyrical cryptography, a University of Washington researcher has finally deciphered the mysterious language of 'Yellow Ledbetter,' which has dogged linguists for ages. “Awuh tha see theyah on...

Baby Got Vax: Sir Mix-A-Lot Drops Hot New PSA

Sir Mix-a-Lot once topped the local PSA charts with his City Light-produced “Reduce Your Bills and Cut Your Chills.” Three decades later he’s back at it again with his new Public Health – Seattle...

Sound Transit Projects Light Rail System Completion at End of Cenozoic Era

To the relief of many Seattle metro area residents today, Sound Transit bumped up the completion date of all pending light rail projects to guarantee that they will definitely be operational at the end...

REI Unveils Outdoor Retail Industry’s First Bridal Collection

The days of wearing Instagram-worthy wilderness-bound wedding dresses atop the world’s highest peaks without Gore-Tex and moisture-wicking SmartWool are over says REI, which unveiled the outdoor retail industry’s first bridal collection today.  Mountaineering brides-to-be clamored...

Space Needle Elevator Operator Tries New Joke

Seattle Center - In his second tourist season as a Space Needle elevator operator, Utah native Caiden Alger reports his new joke absolutely killed with the crowd of tourists and locals hoping to see...

Car Review: Tesla Model 3 Offers More Sustainable Ways of Being Asshole

What you’ve heard is true: Our road tests confirm that the 2019 Tesla Model 3 offers the same opportunities to drive like a complete dickhead that many BMW and Audi drivers have long enjoyed...

Friends Feign Excitement About Bonfire Invitation

Friends of Seattle resident Emily Hennings are celebrating her bold showing of social initiative this week — an invitation to a Saturday evening Golden Gardens bonfire— with internal agonizing over how the hell they’re...

520 Bridge Twitter Feeds to Launch Weekly Podcast

The official and unofficial 520 Bridge Twitter accounts  announced today they’re crossing over into the podcast world this summer with weekly episodes of “Just Another Floater.” The podcast will focus on meandering in-studio interviews with commuters,...

New Startup “WatR” Enters Home, Tends To Plants You’re Murdering With Negligence

WatR, a new startup described as Rover for house plants, is being hailed an overnight success for overwhelmed millennials struggling to provide the absolute bare minimum of care for a living being. “WatR’s certified plant technicians enter...