‘Holiday Family Runaway 5K’ Participants Turn to Bitter Cold to Escape Loving Family
In what has become an annual Seward
Park tradition, a group of die-hard holiday fun runners have once again turned
to the bitter winter cold to escape the warm embrace of a loving home filled
with family...
Stuck-Up Coworker Wearing Dress, Motherfucking Heels
Despite unwritten Pacific Northwest fashion laws against putting obvious effort into an outfit for any reason other than hiking, biking or barista-ing, local coworker Tiffany Chestnut came to the office today wearing a dress...
Benaroya Hall Debuts Halloween ‘Sounds of Horror’ Series with Nickelbachmaninoff Symphony No. 2
Benaroya Hall's spooky foray into the macabre via its brand-new Halloween ‘Sounds of Horror’ series kicked off last night with the premier of Nickelbachmaninoff Symphony No. 2.
“Our world-class performers have successfully merged the sweeping...
Ghost of Christmas Future On Floor Gently Rocking Self Back and Forth After Visiting Jeff Bezos
One of the Ghost of Christmas Future’s customary visits to a wealth-hoarding tycoon ended abruptly this morning after a brief glimpse into Jeff Bezos’ future revealed horrors so unimaginable that even the unfathomable spectre...
Santa Going Green with Sound Transit, Promises Presents By July
Bowing to pressure from the Elf Liberation Front, Santa announced today that Christmas is going extra green this year in the Seattle area with exclusively Sound Transit-delivered gifts guaranteed to be on doorsteps by...
Burke Museum Unveils New Giraffe Skeleton in Ominous ‘5 to 10 Years, Tops’ Exhibit
Following a long renovation, the Burke Museum re-opened its doors earlier this month with a host of new features and exhibits. The beloved natural history and anthropology museum thrilled visitors with its fabulous upgrades,...
The Lover’s Guide to the 2019 Filson Catalog
Its unmistakable leather fragrance arrives
hidden in a stack of what first appears to be a pile of non-descript junk mail,
Safeway flyers and the ValPak envelope – fodder for coupon-clipping riffraff that
is still somehow affronting...
Man Laments Closing Of Local Businesses He Never Frequents
While attending a birthday party he organized at The Hard Rock Cafe, Seattle resident Allan Williams mourned the loss of several local businesses, none of which he’s ever been to.
“I heard such good things...
Walmart Rolls Out the Ceremonial Grandma For Black Friday Shoppers
A Walmart in Kent treated a special group of early Black Friday shoppers to celebrity treatment this morning when they rolled out the Ceremonial Grandma for the shoppers to trample on before stomping their...
‘Downtown Bellevue is Cool Now,’ Insists Local Mom
Bellevue residents have long struggled to find
local arts and culture on the Eastside, forcing them to make a trek into the
urban wilds of Seattle -- but that time is over, insists local mom Dotty
Richardson....
