Vegan Vows to Drive All Steaks Off Mercer Island
Cursing the carnal eating of juicy, sliced-beef hindquarters at homes and restaurants across Mercer Island, vegan Wolf Michaels vowed today to rid the Lake...
Face Mask Shortage Leading to Unexpected Rise in BDSM Experimentation
Amid
severe shortages of face masks during the worldwide coronavirus pandemic, reports
are flooding in that homes across the country are experiencing a rapid rise in
BDSM...
Microsoft Windows Update Team Can Now Work Directly from Hell
With the announcement that all Microsoft employees should utilize
remote work options for the rest of the month, the Windows Update team rejoiced
as they can...
CDC Recommends Indulging in Purell Bath Bombs This #SelfCareSunday
The Center for Disease Control has announced new coronavirus guidelines today, reminding the public of the importance of practicing antibacterial self-care to safeguard against...
Weather Confirms Seattle Still Under Witch’s Curse
As a thick blanket of rain descends on the greater Seattle area for every foreseeable day in the local weather forecast, The Needling’s intrepid...
“Who’s Ready to Stop-and-Risk It All?” Asks Newest Bloomberg Ad
Following a series of widely mocked billboards, targeted ads and sponsored memes, the Mike Bloomberg 2020 campaign has pivoted to its newest initiative, this...
Local Tech Startup to Offer Beer In Lieu of Health Benefits
To stay competitive with tech giants like Google and Microsoft that offer free meals and massages, startups like local tech biz PhoneTap are offering...
Bernie Sanders Uses Captive Tacoma Audience to Unveil One-Man Performance of ‘Cats’
Bernie Sanders’ historic Tacoma Dome rally took a strange
turn last night as he took the momentous opportunity to premiere a self-produced
one-man production of long-running...
Seattle Selfie Museum Unveils Tasteful Dick Pic Gallery
Seattle’s newest vainglorious attraction, the Seattle Selfie
Museum, announced today that it’s unsheathing its latest interactive exhibition
this week just in time for Valentine’s Day: The...
Neighbor Stands Vigil at Unmarked Curbside Parking Space
In an unforgettable show of devotion to peripheral homeowner property, Ballard resident Tom Watkins has stood constant vigil at the unmarked curbside parking space...
