Dog Daycare Significantly Nicer Than Nearby Public School
As public school funding continues to decrease across the country, local teachers began to express concern that the nearby dog daycare, the Muttessori Pawcademy,...
Seattleites Pumped for First Day of Sunburn
Swimsuits, boats and paddleboards at the ready to end a 3-day June weekend on a high note, today Seattleites all over the city said...
Cold Weather Leads to First G-Rated Fremont Solstice Parade
Families rejoiced today as the cold, overcast June weather turned the Fremont Solstice Parade into its first G-Rated, genitalia-free version of the treasured annual...
Landlord Requiring $500 Deposit for Sleep Paralysis Demon
With rents skyrocketing and housing inventory shrinking, area landlords have reportedly decided to expand pet rent surcharges to now include a $500 deposit for...
Man Who Hasn’t Changed Sheets In A Year Thinks Downtown Is Disgusting
From the safety of stiff, crusty sheets he hasn’t washed in more than a year, this afternoon Ballard resident Kevin Pilbasian announced to all...
Couple Gives Up Firstborn to Fremont Troll in Exchange for Hamilton Tickets
With the cost of Hamilton tickets reaching upwards of $1,000, today one Seattle couple made final preparations to hand over their firstborn to the...
Macklemore Purchases Small Percentage of Seattle Kraken, Finally Receives Long-Awaited Minority Status
After years of hard work and purchasing a small percentage of the Seattle Kraken hockey team to become one of its minority owners, local...
PacMed Building Not Haunted, Just Has Resting Tower-of-Terror Face
After decades of scaring children and adults alike into thinking a haunted, evil villain’s headquarters plucked straight out of Gotham City was perched up...
Discovery of Ancient Temple of the Dog Liner Notes Could Serve as Rosetta’s Stone to Decipher Eddie Vedder Lyrics
Seattle’s music scene was abuzz today after the discovery of an ancient Temple of the Dog record with intact liner notes gave grunge scholars...
UW Cherry Blossoms Just Want to Ejaculate Pollen in Peace
In an unprecedented press conference today in The Quad, University of Washington cherry blossom trees announced all they want is to just ejaculate some...
