911 Called for Jazz Alley Musician Struggling to Get Out of Solo
What began as a routine night of music at Dimitriou’s Jazz Alley today escalated into a medical emergency when Sonny “Fatso” Jones, saxophonist of...
Seattle Aquarium Launches Pride Celebration with New Gay Otter Exhibit
Seattle Aquarium launched its Pride Month celebration a day early today on World Otter Day with the opening of its new furry gay otter...
Woman Reports Living in Renton Really Not That Bad
Friends of Renton resident Rachel Hensley are concerned tonight after she reported during happy hour that living in her current city really isn’t that...
Man Always Thinks of Perfect Gun to Win Argument With Later in the Shower
Following a missed opportunity to finally exercise his Second Amendment rights during a heated traffic dispute today, one man lamented the fact that he...
‘So When Are You Going to Bless Me With Grandkids?’ Asks Local Mom Sparking Jumper Cables
As countless Mother’s Day visits inevitably turn to the subject of grandkids today, one local mom turned to more unconventional methods to gather intelligence...
Beautiful Day to Read a Book Outside Actually Too Bright a Day to Read Outside
Thousands of people across Seattle are reporting that what at first seemed the most beautiful, picture-perfect day to read a book outside is actually...
Ugh: White Coworker’s Cinco de Mayo Guacamole Has Raisins in It Again
A local office Cinco de Mayo potluck took a tragic turn today when coworkers discovered that Teresa from Sales had once again destroyed an...
Babeland’s New Geoduck Vibrator Recalled for Burrowing Too Deep to Dig Out
Today Seattle sex-toy giant Babeland announced it was already recalling its much-anticipated, new geoduck vibrator after multiple customer reports that they were burrowing too...
Anti-Umbrella Activists Announce Lineup for 50th Annual Bumbershoot Boycott
Celebrating its 50th year of refusing to attend a Seattle music festival named after an old-timey word for “umbrella,” today the PNW's most die-hard...
Independent Bookstore Awarded Purple Heart for Injuries Sustained In Combat with Amazon
Today courageous Greenwood independent bookstore, cafe and devoted third place for artists and old ladies talking shit about their husbands, Couth Buzzard Books, was...
