Oscars ‘Multiverse Stream’ Treats Viewers to Timeline Where Will Smith Slaps Chris Rock with Hot Dog Fingers
After struggling with ratings over the past decade, producers for the 2023 Oscars decided to experiment with a new “multiverse stream” format in which...
Indian Mom Influencers Ruin Holi Again by Only Letting Kids Throw Shades of Beige Gulal
Today a group of local Indian mom influencers once again ruined the Festival of Colors, Holi, as bad as mothers who ruin Easter egg...
Seattle Reggae Festival Books Real-Life Black Man
Proving its genuine commitment and respect to the historical roots of reggae in Black culture, today the Seattle Reggae Festival proudly announced one of...
Report: Was That Macklemore?
Citywide Macklemore sightings have been on the rise this week, according to reports from local rap enthusiast, Jeff.
“I think I saw him at...
Google Scientist Convinced AI Sentient After It Says Original Starbucks Is Overrated
A Google scientist sounded the alarms that the tech giant’s LaMDA artificial intelligence had become sentient this week after the AI proclaimed it deeply...
Lake Union Hot Tub Boat Easily Capsizes into Cold Tub Boat
As summer temperatures spike worldwide, today Seattle's Lake Union Hot Tub Boats unveiled a new line of vessels that easily capsize into cold-tub boats.
“We...
Ghost of Christmas Future On Floor Gently Rocking Self Back and Forth After Visiting Jeff Bezos
One of the Ghost of Christmas Future’s customary visits to a wealth-hoarding tycoon ended abruptly this morning after a brief glimpse into Jeff Bezos’...
Depressed Californian Moves Up to Seattle for More Sun
Tired by a constant barrage of one rainstorm after another this winter and even early spring, today Californian Katie Berry moved up to Seattle...
Breaking: Ben Gibbard’s Hair Still Looks Like That
According to several witnesses who just strolled down Pine on Capitol Hill, it appears Death Cab for Cutie’s frontman Ben Gibbard is still cutting...
Fish and Wildlife to Consider Re-Introduction of Bears to Capitol Hill
With Gov. Jay Inslee’s blessing, this week the Washington Department of Fish and Wildlife announced its plans to re-introduce giant, hairy bears to Seattle’s...
