Local Teen Confused About Lack of Elf Bars, JUUL at Julefest
Identity obscured by a vape cloud, a local teen wondered aloud between fat rips and coughing fits about the lack of imported holiday-flavored Elf Bars and JUUL products at this weekend’s Julefest in Ballard.
“After...
This Week on KING5: Fall Fashions to Keep You From Being Run Over By Police at 3x the Speed Limit
Last week KING5 shared with you what fall fashions are totally out and not what to wear this season by being the first local news outlet to show you video of a young woman’s...
Festive Local Man Already Putting Out Winter Depression Decorations
Too excited to wait on getting in the spirit of his favorite part of rainy season, festive local man Daniel Langley admitted today he’s already putting out all his winter depression decorations.
“I couldn’t help...
Land Acknowledgment at Chihuly Garden & Glass Somehow Still About How Amazing Dale Chihuly Is
A little more than a decade after Chihuly Garden & Glass outmaneuvered a proposal for a Northwest Native Cultural Center at Seattle Center, today the museum unveiled a touching first land acknowledgment to the...
After Courageous 3-year Battle with Right-Wing Media, Seattle Dead at Age 172
Today—after waging a courageous, three-year battle against right-wing media determined to make “Seattle Is Dying” reality—Seattle officially died at the tender age of 172.
“She fought long and hard against the invasive ‘Seattle Is Dying’...
Awestruck Man Riding Great Wheel Could See House From Here If He Could Afford One
One awestruck man enjoying the view from the Great Wheel today exclaimed that he could probably see his house from all the way up here, if he could hypothetically afford one.
“The view is just...
Slutty Ron DeSantis Costumes Sell Out in Eastern Washington
Today the last Slutty Ron DeSantis costume in Eastern Washington was sold to one lucky customer at the Spirit Halloween store in Kennewick, Wash.
“It can be so hard to find sexy costumes in men’s...
Quiz: Is That a Weird Barbie Costume or Just a Seattle Woman?
Watch out! Before you compliment someone on their amazing “Weird Barbie” costume, make sure they aren’t just a regular Seattle woman wearing an outfit that she wears every day. Take this quiz to confirm:...
Cool! New Trolls in West Seattle, Bainbridge and Issaquah Already Understand Fremont Troll Will Never Be Visiting Them
After a few tense and awkward weeks of wondering how much new trolls moving into areas outside Seattle proper were going to expect a visit, a relieved Fremont Troll announced today that the new...
Fremont Overrun with Concertgoers After Dave Matthews Accidentally Books Weekend at ‘The George’
Fremont was unexpectedly flooded by thousands of Dave Matthews fans today after his concert booker reportedly accidentally booked his annual weekend-long concert series at “The George” instead of “The Gorge.”
“Oh man, Dave is so...
