North Bend Zebra Just Gonna Lie Low with Sasquatch Until This All Blows Over
After a stressful few days of being chased and mobbed by local paparazzi, today the North Bend Zebra is reportedly lying low in a...
City Council Grants SPD $500 Million Budget for Flaming Eye Atop Space Needle That Points Toward Suspected Crimes
The Seattle City Council approved a $500 million budget today that gives the Seattle Police Department a flaming eye atop the Space Needle that...
Wallingford Foodies with BLM Bumper Sticker Just Haven’t Had Time to Try Neighborhood’s Only Black-Owned Restaurant
Today white Wallingford foodies Lauren and Chris Stein said that five years after they plastered a Black Lives Matter bumper sticker to their Subaru...
Publicly Threatening to Lose Your Motherfucking Shit and 5 Other Great Ways to Ask for More Civility
Guest Column by District 5 Seattle City Councilmember Cathy Moore
We live in extremely politically divisive times, and that’s why it’s more important than ever...
Desperate Mayor Attempts to Summon NBA Franchise Back by Chanting ‘SuperSonics’ In Mirror 3 Times
Staffers reportedly found Mayor Bruce Harrell in a City Hall bathroom today, sweaty and distraught, chanting “SuperSonics” while splashing a mirror and then twirling...
Pacific Place Mall Offered Up on Buy Nothing Group
After a series of unsuccessful listings elsewhere, today struggling local mall Pacific Place was spotted for offer on the Buy Nothing Downtown Seattle Facebook...
Bing Still Pretty Sure Millions of Former Google Search Engine Users Should Be Showing Up Any Time Now
After Google’s launch of its laughably inaccurate AI Overviews went so badly last week that users began checking out other search engines for the...
Bellingham Changes Name to West Moses Lake in Hail Mary Attempt to Deter Transplants
Citing a drastic need to discourage transplants, Bellingham has officially changed its name to West Moses Lake in a last-ditch effort to further deter...
Area Reader Can’t Shut the Fuck Up About Silent Book Club
According to several friends, relatives and acquaintances, longtime area reader Allison Fentworth reportedly cannot shut the fuck up about her silent book club.
“Apparently, it’s...
How to Get Rid of Toxic Relationships by Becoming May Queen at Ballard’s Syttende Mai
There’s a lot of ways to get rid of toxic relationships according to your therapist, but none of them are quite as fun as...
