Study Finds Tourists With Umbrella 37% More Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious
A landmark study that's flying in the face of conventional Seattle wisdom has found that tourists with umbrellas tested 37 percent higher in supercalifragilisticexpialidociousness.
"Although...
Remote Worker Still Not Remotely Aware She Lives in Igloo Now
Friends of Greenwood remote worker Hannah Ricks are reporting that she seems to be completely unaware that she lives in an igloo now.
“I...
Area Bicyclist Has Opinions on Fairweather Bicyclists
West Seattle resident Brian Simmons, who bikes to downtown Seattle and back every day rain or shine, reportedly has opinions about fair-weather bicyclists.
“You know...
Local Skater Wears Helmet, Blows Rep
Local skater Trent Stevens was devastated tonight to discover a reputation he’d worked tirelessly on since Summer ‘07 has been decimated by multiple witnesses...
Revealed: Nude Photos Show Bezos Betrayed Us All
Nude photos of Amazon founder and CEO Jeff Bezos, exclusively acquired by The Needling, show that the nature of betrayal in his secret affairs...
Local Hipster Starts New Seattle Arts Magazine, Realizes She Doesn’t Have The Right Haircut
Local hipster Sarah E. Miller was dead-set on starting a new kind of Seattle arts magazine when she realized, to her horror, that she...
Twin Peaks Fan Pretends to Not Be Disappointed with Actual Double R Diner
Twin Peaks devotee Craig Peterson heroically mustered enough strength Wednesday to conceal the cavernous expectation gap between the show’s Double R Diner and the...
“Seattle Squeeze? Yes, Please!” Jokes Divorcee Desperate For Warmth Of Human Touch
The closure of the Alaskan Way Viaduct has strained traffic around the region for weeks, causing tempers to flare for many – but not...
Seattle Police Now Equipped with Nerf Guns to Make Shootings More Fun
Facing public outcry over fatal shootings and a general malaise amongst its ranks, the Seattle Police Department is looking to put the "happy" back...
Howard Schultz Apologizes for Associating Seattle with Burnt Coffee
Howard Schultz has finally issued a mea culpa to Seattle for forever linking the city with his burnt, flavorless Starbucks coffee.
“It’s on me,”...
