After much confusion, I-638 sponsor Let’s Go Washington confirmed that in addition to sports, the November ballot measure would require gender verifcation for playing all games, including Magic the Gathering.
“My daughter once lost one of those games to a trans girl who cast a sorcery on her, and she was never the same,” said Brian Heywood, the Redmond hedge fund manager that put this initiative as well as one that would kill the Millionaires Tax on the ballot. “All she raves about now ever since is what a billionaire-blowing, sexist, transphobic, patriarchal Mormon priesthood piece of shit I am now, and it’s all because everybody knows biological males have an advantage when it comes to deckbuilding and being lonely enough to be good at this game.”
If passed, all female players of the game would need to have their gender verified by a doctor before being cleared to meet in a dark, far-flung part of campus only gamers in trenchcoats hang out to play.
“I once didn’t have enough mana to cast spells or summon the Feral Maaka to outwit my opponent, and that’s all because they were trans,” said one still traumatized 22-year-old young woman who still lives at home with her parents. “Oh, what could have been of my life if a trans person hadn’t been able to gather enough colors of mana on the battlefield to reduce my life and my gender to 0.”
At press time, Let’s Go Washington confirmed the initiative would also require gender verification for youth playing Dungeons and Dragons, Pokemon Go, and Capture the Flag.
