Local Mushroom Hunter Mounts Giant Head of Lion’s Mane Over Fireplace
To ensure everyone entering his household from this day forth knows he is at the top of the food chain in these Pacific Northwest...
Witch Coven Disappointed No One Noticed They Opened a Portal to Hell in Bellevue
Today one local witch coven is confessing their disappointment that—after all the hard work they put into celebrating Halloween with everyone this year by...
Pike Place to Improve Small Business Access by Adding Parking Inside Market
After recent debates over a car-free Pike Place Market highlighted how essential parking actually is on the small, one-way bricked street thronged with pedestrians,...
Workers Rush to Sew Sky Blue Angels Ripped in Half Back Together Before Next Seafair Airshow
The sky over Lake Washington will be closed overnight as workers rush to sew it back together after the Blue Angels accidentally tore it...
Former SPD Chief Carmen Best’s Team at Microsoft Launches Text Deleter 365
A year and a half after being named Microsoft’s Director of Global Security Risk Operations, today Carmen Best—former Seattle Police Chief during 2020 protests...
Wildlife Camera Catches First Footage of Walking Rainier Bottle Mating with Ivar’s Dancing Clam
Today a hidden wildlife camera caught the first known footage of the much-rumored and not-until-now confirmed mating ritual between two of the Pacific Northwest’s...
Bob Ferguson Hoping to Follow Carmen Best Endorsement with Howard Schultz, Russell Wilson
After his campaign for governor received a clutch endorsement last week from Carmen Best—a former Seattle police chief and public records violator he refused...
Local Man Fondly Recalls When Seattle Residents Could Actually Afford Homes to Do Drugs In
Lemonade in-hand as grandchildren gathered around his porch rocking chair, today Seattle native Allan Smith happily reminisced on the days of yore when Seattle residents...
36-Year-Old Son Panics, Reverts to Giving Mom Finger Painting
In a frightened, last-ditch effort to surprise his mommy with the perfect Mother’s Day gift, local 36-year-old man and State Farm agent Zeke Gibson...
Upper Middle Class White Men Finally Have Safe Space to Gather This Week at Seattle Boat Show
After a harrowing year of having no other safe space to gather, local upper middle class white men will once again finally have a...
