Orca Pod Escalates War on Wealthy After Knocking Blue Origin Spaceship Out of Orbit
A local orca pod’s war on the wealthy has once again escalated after a spacefaring orcas successfully knocked a Blue Origin spacecraft out of...
West Coast Engulfed in Cloud of Rats Fleeing New York Wildfire Smoke
A beautiful day along the West Coast of laughing and rolling eyes at the East Coast for finally taking a turn at experiencing the...
Bezos Surprised, Delighted More People Suddenly Support Him Going Back to Space for Some Reason
Admittedly a little crestfallen so many people criticized his first trip to outer space two years ago, billionaire and former Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos...
Elon Musk Cheers OceanGate on Success of Submersible Implosion
Even though the ill-fated Titan did not accomplish all of its desired mission goals this week, today CEO Elon Musk tweeted congratulations to OceanGate...
Report: 99% of Nation Totally Willing to Go Along with Flag Day for Chance at Day Off
Despite 99 percent of the nation never really knowing why the seemingly redundant patriotic holiday exists in the first place, a new study shows...
Enthusiastic Feminist Accidentally Shatters Debt Ceiling
The nation’s debt ceiling came crashing down today after an enthusiastic feminist flew straight through it, accidentally thinking it was the glass ceiling that’s...
Howard Schultz Succeeded by New Starbucks CEO Robusto Cappuccini
Despite saying he might testify at a Senate hearing about his coffee conglomerate’s alleged union-busting’s efforts before a planned retirement next month, Howard Schultz...
Idaho Lawmakers Demand Easter Bunny’s Ovulation Tracker Data
In yet another radically right-wing, unconstitutional move, today Idaho state lawmakers passed a bill demanding all of the Easter Bunny’s ovulation tracker data.
“As a...
Living Presidents Celebrate Presidents’ Day with White Elephant Classified Document Exchange
The Presidents’ Day spirit was alive and well today as all six living U.S. presidents gathered together at a secure location this afternoon to...
Biden SOTU Wins Over Nation with Hourlong Show-and-Tell of What Was in the Balloon
President Joe Biden sent his approval ratings soaring higher than ever before tonight after using the entirety of his State of the Union speech...
