Bezos Surprised, Delighted More People Suddenly Support Him Going Back to Space for Some Reason
Admittedly a little crestfallen so many people criticized his first trip to outer space two years ago, billionaire and former Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos...
Elon Musk Cheers OceanGate on Success of Submersible Implosion
Even though the ill-fated Titan did not accomplish all of its desired mission goals this week, today CEO Elon Musk tweeted congratulations to OceanGate...
Report: 99% of Nation Totally Willing to Go Along with Flag Day for Chance at Day Off
Despite 99 percent of the nation never really knowing why the seemingly redundant patriotic holiday exists in the first place, a new study shows...
Enthusiastic Feminist Accidentally Shatters Debt Ceiling
The nation’s debt ceiling came crashing down today after an enthusiastic feminist flew straight through it, accidentally thinking it was the glass ceiling that’s...
Howard Schultz Succeeded by New Starbucks CEO Robusto Cappuccini
Despite saying he might testify at a Senate hearing about his coffee conglomerate’s alleged union-busting’s efforts before a planned retirement next month, Howard Schultz...
Idaho Lawmakers Demand Easter Bunny’s Ovulation Tracker Data
In yet another radically right-wing, unconstitutional move, today Idaho state lawmakers passed a bill demanding all of the Easter Bunny’s ovulation tracker data.
“As a...
Living Presidents Celebrate Presidents’ Day with White Elephant Classified Document Exchange
The Presidents’ Day spirit was alive and well today as all six living U.S. presidents gathered together at a secure location this afternoon to...
Biden SOTU Wins Over Nation with Hourlong Show-and-Tell of What Was in the Balloon
President Joe Biden sent his approval ratings soaring higher than ever before tonight after using the entirety of his State of the Union speech...
Big Tech Companies Celebrate Employee Appreciation Day by Giving Workers Endless Time Off
Big tech companies like Amazon, Apple, Google and Meta announced this week that they're all taking part in today's Employee Appreciation Day festivities by...
‘Let’s Not Make This Tragedy Political,’ Says Politician Doing Political Job at the Politics Building
A politician took a break from his politics job today to stand outside on the steps of the politics building and chastise citizens asking...
