National

U.S. Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos was shaken today following an incident that forced her to grab a nearby child to shield herself from a sneezing man during a local school press conference. “Ugh, I...

As August’s Democratic National Convention draws near, Democratic presidential nominee Joe Biden has secured another important endorsement today from a local representative who took the time to quietly mumble faint praise under her breath...

Although national Republican leadership are against expanding vote-by-mail access that could reduce virus transmission while increasing participation in this November’s presidential election, all announced today their support for an alternative vote-by-male system. “We, too, can...

The peaceful neighborhood of Sesame Street erupted into chaos today as popular muppet Elmo led an anti-lockdown protest to the steps of City Hall demanding that the neighborhood’s Tickle Parlors be reopened to the...

With Easter looming and no end to the Coronavirus pandemic in sight, Fox News political pundits have begun to surmise that a sacrifice of the holiday’s famed Easter Bunny might be necessary to keep...

After days of suffering a fever, cough and chest tightness worrisome enough to warrant hospitalization, doctors have confirmed local Trump supporter Craig Duncan, 45, has tested positive for a completely fabricated Democratic hoax. “I gotta hand it...

With bated breath to avoid airborne infection, audiences watched with awe as President Donald Trump awarded another Presidential Medal of Freedom today to the legendary Mucinex Booger. “They called you a disgusting disease dedicated to making...

Recognizing the hazards of mistletoe in office settings, OSHA has formed a special task force for a no-questions-asked buyback program to get this dangerous substance off the streets and into the compost where it...