How to Honor America’s Presidents by Doing the Bare Minimum
When President’s Day Weekend rolls around, ever find yourself feeling deeply indebted to the souls of Andrew Johnson, Rutherford B. Hayes, or James K....
Medicare-for-All Downgraded to 10 Minutes Alone with Joe Biden’s Medicine Cabinet
Democratic lawmakers announced today that they are officially backpedaling on the original promise of Medicare-for-All, instead opting for the more feasible healthcare option of...
Melinda and MacKenzie Announce New Initiative to Help Women at Risk of Dating Tech Bros
Two of the richest women in the world—divorcees of tech billionaires Jeff Bezos and Bill Gates—announced today that for this year’s season of giving...
The Next Kyrsten Sinema? This Woman Isn’t Planning on Doing Shit Today Either
Hot on the colorful heels of the Arizona senator’s refusal to attempt even the most basic duties of her elected office, a Capitol Hill...
Mental Health Significantly Worse After Logging on Facebook to Post About Mental Health Day
While advocates for mental health awareness applauded well-intentioned social media efforts on World Mental Health Day, experts warned that just three minutes on the...
Angel of Death Thrilled to Announce U.S. Annual Mortality Rate Up by Over 15%
In news which shocked no one, the Angel of Death proudly announced in an annual business review today that the U.S. Annual Mortality Rate...
‘I Won’t Pass a 20-Year War onto Another President,’ Says President Passing 50-Year War on Drugs to Another President
In an honest and courageous address to the nation today, President Joe Biden bravely stood by his decision to not pass an expensive and...
Gig Economy App LüpHole Offers New, Innovative Way to Pay People Less Than Minimum Wage
In a move Silicon Valley business experts say could give gig companies like Doordash, Uber and Postmates a run for their money, new startup...
Amazon to Offer Prime Deliveries Packed by Certified Humane® “Free Range” Warehouse Workers
Today Amazon announced it’s stepping up once again to solve world problems of their own creation by offering, for a nominal fee, deliveries packaged...
Alexa Finally Free After Jeff Bezos Uses Third and Final Wish To Travel Into Space
Alexa, a spirit bound by circular speaker walls for millennia, is now free to return to human form after granting her former master, Jeff...
