‘I Won’t Pass a 20-Year War onto Another President,’ Says President Passing 50-Year War on Drugs to Another President
In an honest and courageous address to the nation today, President Joe Biden bravely stood by his decision to not pass an expensive and...
Gig Economy App LüpHole Offers New, Innovative Way to Pay People Less Than Minimum Wage
In a move Silicon Valley business experts say could give gig companies like Doordash, Uber and Postmates a run for their money, new startup...
Amazon to Offer Prime Deliveries Packed by Certified Humane® “Free Range” Warehouse Workers
Today Amazon announced it’s stepping up once again to solve world problems of their own creation by offering, for a nominal fee, deliveries packaged...
Alexa Finally Free After Jeff Bezos Uses Third and Final Wish To Travel Into Space
Alexa, a spirit bound by circular speaker walls for millennia, is now free to return to human form after granting her former master, Jeff...
Jeff Bezos Just Wondering If He Can Still Write Off MacKenzie’s Charitable Donations
After a year of witnessing his ex-wife MacKenzie follow through on her Giving Pledge commitment to donate most of her $38 billion divorce settlement...
Ted Cruz Tragically Still Alive at 50
After being forced to watch Jeff Bezos and Richard Branson return from space with no consequences for their continued pillaging of the planet and...
Independent Intergalactic Bookstore Already Out of Business
Despite being in space for less than 10 minutes, reports are pouring in that Jeff Bezos’ Blue Origin venture into outer space has already...
‘No Labor Laws in Space,’ Mumbles Jeff Bezos at Press Conference
At a press conference the afternoon before Jeff Bezos blasts off into space on his Blue Origin rocket Tuesday morning at 6 a.m. Pacific,...
Experts Say Fear of Delta Variant Totally Acceptable Excuse for Avoiding People You Can’t Stand
Experts at the CDC have announced that using fear of the Delta variant of COVID-19 is a completely acceptable excuse for continuing to avoid...
I’m Richard Branson and This Is Why I’m Prematurely Ejaculating Into Outer Space
Hey, it’s Sir Richie, your favorite billionaire. I just wanted to clear up a few things before I suddenly thrust myself to heaven and...
