Guy Who Came Up with Seasonal Affective Disorder Acronym Very Proud of Self
Nearly 30 years after a psychiatric study first described and named the syndrome, scientists are confirming the psychologist who discovered Seasonal Affective Disorder’s acronym,...
Amazon Prime Air Develops First Remote-Control Drone That Doesn’t Break By End of Christmas Day
Determined to be at the forefront of remote-control drone technology, today Amazon’s Prime Air team announced its engineers have finally successfully created the first...
Local Casanova Comes to Bed Wearing Nothing but ‘I Voted’ Sticker
With election results expected to pour in long into the night, one local Casanova wooed his lover by coming to bed wearing nothing but...
God Crushes Earth in Hydraulic Press for TikTok Video
The Judeo-Christian God went viral today on TikTok after placing the planet earth within his at-home hydraulic press and crushing it until it exploded...
Uvalde Police Department Unveils New Thin Yellow Line Flag
To commemorate all the bodily fluids lost while assaulting parents trying to rescue their children from an active shooter, today the Uvalde Police Department...
Florida Bans ‘LGBTQ’ from Alphabet
In his latest attempt to block Floridians' exposure to homosexuality, today Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis issued a declaration to officially ban the letters L,...
‘Congress Is Trash,’ Says Man Whose Record of Voting Is Also Trash
Today the main federal legislative body of the longest-running democracy in the history of human civilization is reportedly complete and utter trash, according to...
Half-staff Flag Just Gonna Stay There a While
One local American flag announced today that it has decided it’s just gonna stick around at half-staff for a while.
“Frankly, I’m exhausted from running...
‘Student Loan Debt is the Latest Casualty of the Cancel Culture Cabal,’ Tweets Man from Yacht
One local hero bravely stood up to the woke mob today when he courageously took a moment from drinking straight out of an $800...
Trickle-Down Economics’ Historic 40-Year Drought Definitely Ending Any Decade Now
As the trickle-down economics policy popularized by President Ronald Reagan enters its 41st year, local economic forecasters maintained that the theory’s historic drought—which has...
