The Needling Moving to Print Only
After much deliberation, the publisher of The Needling reports that the only way to save Seattle’s Only Real Fake News is moving the publication...
Local Man Dies at Axe-Throwing Bar, Obviously
The Seattle Police Department has confirmed a man with a pre-partied posse of his boys died at Capitol Hill axe-throwing bar Blade & Timber...
Breaking: Officials File Report on Lenin Statue’s Ties to Russia
A report first made accessible to losers who don't start their weekends by early Friday afternoon will determine once and for all if Fremont's...
#TBT: 5 Top-Read Posts for February
If you were buried so deep in an igloo last month that you missed last February's top-read posts, fret not:
1. Howard Schultz Promises...
Mayor Durkan Reluctantly Turns Off Phoenix Jones Signal
After waiting patiently for defunct Seattle superhero Phoenix Jones to resurface and help handle high-crime areas like Magnolia, Mayor Jenny Durkan has officially turned...
Weather Forecast: Sunshine, Like Life, is Fleeting
Following swiftly on the heels of one of the sunniest Januarys on record, the next week promises temperatures sure to chill your soul and...
Lost Woman Doesn’t Know How the Hell She Ended Up in Duvall
It was a harrowing day for Broadview native Blaire Colman, 26, after a misunderstood direction from her phone somehow fucking led her to the...
Magnolia Named World’s Most Dangerous Neighborhood by Magnolia
Frazzled, bullet-grazed and red lipstick-kissed, crime researchers arrived at a press conference Tuesday evening in window-smashed cars to confirm that Magnolia is the most...
#TBT: The Needling’s 5 Top-Read Posts for January
January 2019: Picture it! The Seattle metro area before it knew God was going to make one giant coke line out of it for...
Remote Worker Still Not Remotely Aware She Lives in Igloo Now
Friends of Greenwood remote worker Hannah Ricks are reporting that she seems to be completely unaware that she lives in an igloo now.
“I...
