Former Boeing CEO Awarded $62M Golden Parachute for Successfully Facilitating Exit of 346 Lives
To thank him for an unforgettably clever corporate psychopathy that tested the limits of how many people a multi-billion-dollar company could kill without legal...
Seattle Public Library to Start Paying People to Read a Damn Book
Seattle
Public Library’s new policy of eliminating all late fees for overdue items that
began on Jan. 2 is already expanding to paying anyone to read...
Nation Agrees Your Tiny, One-Road Country Town Definitely The One Getting Nuked by Iran
In a rare showing of national unity, the entire country has come together today to agree that your minuscule, strategically insignificant town is fucking...
‘My Precious…’ Moans I-5 Motorist, Stroking $30 Car Tab in 14th Hour of Commute
Following the apparent passage of Tim Eyman’s I-976 last week, initiative
supporters are celebrating by covering up the rumbling sounds of crumbling
public transportation infrastructure on...
Knife Fight Breaks Out Amongst Ravenna Roommates Over Composting Argument
A clash over proper composting methods between two rival roommates in an eco-friendly Ravenna household today reportedly resulted in an old-fashioned knifefight for the...
Boeing Promises New 737 AXE Line Is ‘Legit, Hella Safe’
In a surprise press conference this afternoon, Boeing executives
revealed a new set of airliners dubbed the 737 AXE, adamantly emphasizing that
they are “legit” and...
Mike O’Brien to Cap Seattle City Council Term with Week-Long Fossil Fuel Bender
After a 10-year run that included biking to work and kayak-blocking Shell’s arctic oil rig, outgoing Seattle City Councilmember Mike O’Brien confirmed at his...
Ballard Locals Eyeing ‘Still Good’ Le Creuset Sets in Burned-Out Husk of Kitchen-N-Things
Monday’s three-alarm fire on Ballard’s Market Street destroyed
five businesses including more than 45-year-old retailer Kitchen N Things,
but--according to locals—not necessarily all of its reportedly...
Nordstrom Rack Holiday Parade to Feature Fruit Stripe Zebra, Chandler Bing Balloons
This Friday, Seattle will host its first real attempt to compete with New York City’s famed Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade with a dazzling downtown...
Seattle Native Succumbs to Violent Stab Wounds
Mourners gathered today at a downtown makeshift memorial to honor the life and legacy of Dr. Walter Jensen, a local ophthalmologist and pillar of...
