Neighbors Report Soon-to-Arrive Seattle Resident Has Already Left
Neighbors who had eagerly anticipated avoiding any social interaction whatsoever with new prospective Seattle renter Russ Hastings were pleasantly surprised to hear news today...
Elementary School Bus Races Minivan with Oregon Plates
Tire squeals and burned rubber left startled parents and teachers searching for answers in front of Everett’s Fairmount Elementary School, where two traffic law-flouting...
Thousands of Engineers Flee Rainier Beach Suffering From Premature Gentrification
A large group of prospective Apple employees have fled the Seattle neighborhood of Rainier Beach this week after reportedly suffering from a mass onset...
New Capitol Hill Streetcar to Travel 2-Block Trek from Frankie & Jo’s to Mighty-O’s
With the overdue and overbudget First Avenue Streetcar project on ice after a canceled contract, the City of Seattle announced Friday that it would...
Genetically Enhanced ‘Super Doodle’ Escapes Rover HQ, Does Heckin’ Good Job Terrorizing Belltown
Seattle’s Belltown neighborhood is left in shambles today after a hulking, mutated ‘Super Doodle’ escaped overnight from a top-secret experimental lab housed within the...
University of Washington Won’t Stop Bragging About Massive Endowment
Why hello! Are you amongst the throngs of eager masses pining for as much hot-off-the-pressing-of-many-buttons real fake local news as you can get?
Well then,...
Teachers Soon to Drag Their Lazy Asses Back to School
Nearly 60,000 Washington state public school teachers, notorious for their ample paid-time-off antics, will reportedly get back to remembering what a little hard work...
Office Nerf War Gets Fucking Real As Dog Accidentally Hit In Crossfire
A Seattle office is in turmoil today after a lighthearted Nerf battle turned sour when the office’s resident dog, Princess Muffintop, was struck by...
Citing Passion for Inclusivity, SeaTac Changes Name to SeaTacTukNoBuRentKent
To allay concerns about SeaTac Mayor Erin Sitterley’s ongoing public support of the white nationalist Trump administration, the city said it was proving its...
Toxic Avenger Starts New Job as Golden Gardens Lifeguard
In the wake of another 3-million-gallon untreated sewage spill affecting Seattle’s beach-front parks today, City and County officials say they’re officially giving up on...
