Nation Agrees Your Tiny, One-Road Country Town Definitely The One Getting Nuked by Iran
In a rare showing of national unity, the entire country has come together today to agree that your minuscule, strategically insignificant town is fucking...
‘My Precious…’ Moans I-5 Motorist, Stroking $30 Car Tab in 14th Hour of Commute
Following the apparent passage of Tim Eyman’s I-976 last week, initiative
supporters are celebrating by covering up the rumbling sounds of crumbling
public transportation infrastructure on...
Knife Fight Breaks Out Amongst Ravenna Roommates Over Composting Argument
A clash over proper composting methods between two rival roommates in an eco-friendly Ravenna household today reportedly resulted in an old-fashioned knifefight for the...
Boeing Promises New 737 AXE Line Is ‘Legit, Hella Safe’
In a surprise press conference this afternoon, Boeing executives
revealed a new set of airliners dubbed the 737 AXE, adamantly emphasizing that
they are “legit” and...
Mike O’Brien to Cap Seattle City Council Term with Week-Long Fossil Fuel Bender
After a 10-year run that included biking to work and kayak-blocking Shell’s arctic oil rig, outgoing Seattle City Councilmember Mike O’Brien confirmed at his...
Ballard Locals Eyeing ‘Still Good’ Le Creuset Sets in Burned-Out Husk of Kitchen-N-Things
Monday’s three-alarm fire on Ballard’s Market Street destroyed
five businesses including more than 45-year-old retailer Kitchen N Things,
but--according to locals—not necessarily all of its reportedly...
Nordstrom Rack Holiday Parade to Feature Fruit Stripe Zebra, Chandler Bing Balloons
This Friday, Seattle will host its first real attempt to compete with New York City’s famed Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade with a dazzling downtown...
Seattle Native Succumbs to Violent Stab Wounds
Mourners gathered today at a downtown makeshift memorial to honor the life and legacy of Dr. Walter Jensen, a local ophthalmologist and pillar of...
Washington Resident Bored By Local Elections, Prefers Exhilaratingly Relative Powerlessness of Voting for President
Utterly bored by the exponentially higher impact his voting
choices would have on his daily life and immediate community in a local
municipal election, Seattle voter...
Tim Eyman Slips in Initiative Declaring He ‘Does Not Look Like an Ancient Harvest Idol Carved from a Rotten Turnip’
It’s election season in Seattle, and that can only mean one thing:
A bulbous ballot stuffed with Tim Eyman-authored initiatives designed to skirt
any concern for...
