‘My Precious…’ Moans I-5 Motorist, Stroking $30 Car Tab in 14th Hour of Commute
Following the apparent passage of Tim Eyman’s I-976 last week, initiative
supporters are celebrating by covering up the rumbling sounds of crumbling
public transportation infrastructure on their daily commutes with moans of pleasure
the state’s GOP says...
Knife Fight Breaks Out Amongst Ravenna Roommates Over Composting Argument
A clash over proper composting methods between two rival roommates in an eco-friendly Ravenna household today reportedly resulted in an old-fashioned knifefight for the ages.
The conflict began when Lacey Edkins, 24, allegedly tried to...
Boeing Promises New 737 AXE Line Is ‘Legit, Hella Safe’
In a surprise press conference this afternoon, Boeing executives
revealed a new set of airliners dubbed the 737 AXE, adamantly emphasizing that
they are “legit” and “hella safe.”
The sudden announcement raised questions about whether the plane...
Mike O’Brien to Cap Seattle City Council Term with Week-Long Fossil Fuel Bender
After a 10-year run that included biking to work and kayak-blocking Shell’s arctic oil rig, outgoing Seattle City Councilmember Mike O’Brien confirmed at his last Council meeting today that he’ll finally be cutting a...
Ballard Locals Eyeing ‘Still Good’ Le Creuset Sets in Burned-Out Husk of Kitchen-N-Things
Monday’s three-alarm fire on Ballard’s Market Street destroyed
five businesses including more than 45-year-old retailer Kitchen N Things,
but--according to locals—not necessarily all of its reportedly “still good” Le
Creuset cookware.
“My heart goes out to all...
Nordstrom Rack Holiday Parade to Feature Fruit Stripe Zebra, Chandler Bing Balloons
This Friday, Seattle will host its first real attempt to compete with New York City’s famed Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade with a dazzling downtown Nordstrom Rack Holiday Parade featuring enormous balloons of Fruit Stripe...
Seattle Native Succumbs to Violent Stab Wounds
Mourners gathered today at a downtown makeshift memorial to honor the life and legacy of Dr. Walter Jensen, a local ophthalmologist and pillar of the community who was repeatedly stabbed in the face today...
Washington Resident Bored By Local Elections, Prefers Exhilaratingly Relative Powerlessness of Voting for President
Utterly bored by the exponentially higher impact his voting
choices would have on his daily life and immediate community in a local
municipal election, Seattle voter Patrick Sanderson said he’s much more excited
about watching his November...
Tim Eyman Slips in Initiative Declaring He ‘Does Not Look Like an Ancient Harvest Idol Carved from a Rotten Turnip’
It’s election season in Seattle, and that can only mean one thing:
A bulbous ballot stuffed with Tim Eyman-authored initiatives designed to skirt
any concern for the general well-being of the community. But this time Eyman
managed...
Seattle City Council Candidate Beff Jezos Surges In Polls Following Massive Campaign Donation From Amazon
As the Seattle City Council race continues to heat up, emerging candidate
Beff Jezos has surged in the polls following a slew of donations from Amazon.
While his poll numbers grow, many have accused Jezos of...
