Greedy Local Newspapers Finally Take Down Paywalls
In what some are calling a coronavirus-era miracle, the few poorly paid and overworked reporters who still remain in the local newspaper industry for...
Lost, Confused Joe Biden Ambles Into Des Moines Safeway Offering Free Hugs, Massages
Customers of a local Safeway in Des Moines, Wash. were bewildered
this afternoon when Democratic presidential candidate and former Vice President
Joe Biden somehow wandered into...
Residents Throughout Seattle Area Canceling Plans to Cancel Plans
Due to public health officials already successfully lobbying
for the cancellation of most social events during the local coronavirus outbreak,
millions across the Seattle area announced...
Man’s Waterfront View Blocked by Another Man’s Waterfront View
One Belltown man's expansive view of the Puget Sound apartment disappeared today when it was suddenly replaced by a view of the 40-story Arrive...
Ken Jennings’ Post-Jeopardy Rampage Claims Pub Quiz, Spelling Bee as Insatiable Lust for Knowledge Continues
Fresh off of winning Jeopardy’s Greatest of All Time Tournament in
dominant fashion, newly crowned champion Ken Jennings reportedly spent last night
rampaging through Seattle on...
Report: Mountain One Sexy Bitch
Bright sunshine inspired one local mountain to shrug off the
thick blankets of winter gray she’d been hiding in for months, standing in what
millions in...
Seattle Places Cardboard ‘Free’ Sign On Homeless Encampment In Hopes Portland Takes It
While many cities have taken more direct approaches to offloading their homeless problem to other cities such as providing bus tickets, Seattle has taken...
Report: Greenwood, Greenwood Always Up to No Good
Warning that California transplants definitely be “up in
this” local watchdog journalists unveiled a groundbreaking report today confirming
once and for all that, yeah, Greenwood, Greenwood...
Fremont Troll Urged to Clutch More Fuel-Efficient Vehicle in Menacing Grasp
Local climate change activists are picketing the famed Fremont Troll today, saying the gas-guzzling Volkswagen Beetle clutched in its gigantic, gnarled hands sets a...
With Transplants Out of Town, Seattle Natives Really Fucking Cutting Loose
Multiple
reports that no hordes of transplants are currently fucking up the local vibe
are pouring in from native Seattle residents across the city today, leaving
true...
