SPD Bans Tear Gas Until Next Shipment Arrives
After repeated calls to end the use of tear gas on peaceful Black Lives Matter protesters during a pandemic, the Seattle Police Department has...
Mysterious Health Condition Prevents Customer from Using Mask, Brain
A local Safeway customer assured essential workers and shoppers this afternoon that the only reason she wasn’t wearing a mask is a health condition...
Local Holy Woman Ascends to Podcast Nirvana
Five mostly quarantined months into meditatively mowing through almost every podcast in existence, sources say local holy woman Zahra Princeton has officially ascended to...
Progress: Amazon Announces Recyclable Pink Slips for Union Workers
Following increased public pressure to walk its talk on the fight against climate change, today Amazon unveiled a “Clean Leave” policy today that promises...
Pike Place Market Begins Curbside Fish-Throw
As businesses citywide adapt to selling products at a safe distance, this weekend Pike Place Market began curbside fish-throwing to its loyal, seafood-loving customers.
Henry...
Man Utterly Traumatized by 2020 Just Gonna Pick Up ThunderShirt for Self Too
While picking up an anxiety-reducing ThunderShirt for his dog ahead of tonight’s neighborhood firework displays, a local man utterly traumatized by 2020 decided he...
Police Union Demands Everyone Treat Them as Hot, Likable as Firefighters
In an afternoon press conference, Seattle Police Union President Mike Solan said his force will no longer stand for the “unfair and inequitable” worship...
Woman Handed Copy of White Fragility Instantly Shatters
A neighborhood is in shock tonight after witnessing a White Ballard woman instantly fall to literal pieces when a neighbor suddenly handed her a...
State Approved to Enter Phase Fuck It
After almost four months of stay-at-home orders amid this year’s deadly coronavirus pandemic, local residents say Washington State has finally been approved for Phase...
Fremont Solstice Partners with Peloton for Naked Exercise Bike Ride
Seattle’s famed Fremont Solstice Parade held this year’s naked, at-home bike ride in partnership with popular exercise bike company Peloton today, a move that...
