Seattle Police Union to Investigate Officers Who Didn’t Attend January 6th DC Riots
To ensure the utmost professionalism in its ranks, Seattle Police Officers Guild President Mike Solan announced today that the union would be opening up...
Local Seattleite Still Peeking Between Blinds at Suspiciously Sunny Day
Following weeks of freakishly cold weather and record rainfall, one local man has spent all day leering through his cracked blinds at the suspiciously...
2021 Off to Terrifying Start as Extraterrestrial Jellyfish Claim Space Needle
Hopes that 2021 would be more calm and safe than 2020 were immediately dashed at midnight when an army of extraterrestrial jellyfish claimed Seattle’s...
Spoiled Brat Riding Out Rest of 2020 in Womb
While the entire world collectively suffered the wrath of 2020, one spoiled unborn brat is reportedly on track for sparing himself the misery of...
PNW Thanks Hawaii for Handling ‘Volcano Eruption’ on 2020 Bingo Cards
Residents across the Pacific Northwest expressed relief today that Hawaii stepped up overnight to handle the inevitable 2020 Bingo call-out for the “volcano eruption”...
Tacoma PD Claims Officer ‘Feared for New Paint Job’ Before Plowing Car Into Crowd
Although videos of a Tacoma police officer ramming his cruiser through a crowd over the weekend look and sound disturbing, local police union president...
CEO Assures MLK Would Have Wanted You to Work Today
In and inspiring e-mail to staff who mandatorily worked on Martin Luther King Jr. Day, CEO of local tech firm HustleCorps assured his employees...
Sick Bastards Put Tree in Living Room Just to Watch Something Slowly Die
A local neighborhood is in shock today after reports that, a mere two days into December, a group of truly sick bastards have already...
SPD Officers at DC Capitol Riot Placed on Paid Administrative Leave to Riot White House
Interim Seattle Police Chief Adrian Diaz has swiftly reprimanded several Seattle police officers who attended the Capitol riots in Washington, D.C. last week with...
Republican House Representative Furious Attempted Coup Delayed Her Attempted Coup
Republican Washington State Representative Cathy McMorris Rodgers announced she’s furious that a giant mob’s action-packed attempted coup of the nation’s Capitol Wednesday delayed and...
