Bruce Harrell Vows Action After Hundreds of Tents Discovered Inside REI
Seattle Mayoral candidate Bruce Harrell held a news conference inside the Seattle-based sporting goods store today to blast City Hall for inaction after discovering...
Alpha Delta Lambda COVID Denies Fatal Hazing Rituals
Amidst increasingly damning allegations, today viral variant fraternity Alpha Delta Lambda denied all accusations that it intentionally facilitates routinely fatal hazing rituals.
“Look, asking pledges...
Ecological Win! New Artificial Reef Constructed Entirely from Mayor Durkan’s Discarded Cell Phones
In what is being declared a major ecological win, local marine biologists have discovered a brand new artificial reef teeming with life just off...
Cool! New Half Mile of Bike Lane Funnels Cyclists Straight into Portal to Hell
The City of Seattle cemented its longtime reputation as a bike-friendly utopia this week with the addition of a half-mile of dedicated bike lane...
SPD Chief Vows to Punish Officers at DC Riot with One Last Month of Paid Administrative Leave
Following a report from Seattle’s Office of Police Accountability that confirmed today two Seattle Police Department officers were on U.S. Capitol steps and four...
‘Huh, West Seattle Bridge Is Closed Today,’ Says Ballard Resident Driving 99 South For First Time In Years
Upon venturing the ominous depths of Highway 99 South for the first time in years, Ballard resident Chris Brock found himself surprised and bewildered...
Green Lake Swimmer Grows Impressive Tail
Friends and family of longtime Green Lake swimmer Lloyd Davidson are marveling today at the new, scaled appendage that’s now rippling from his tailbone.
“Oh,...
Jenny Durkan’s Heart and 7 Other Places to Cool Off This Weekend
If you’re looking for a place to cool off during this unprecedented scorcher in Seattle, where a majority of us do not have AC,...
Andrew Yang Seen Licking Gum Wall Before Announcing Seattle Mayoral Campaign
Following his concession from New York City’s mayoral race, Andrew Yang was spotted this afternoon licking the famed Gum Wall in a desperate attempt...
Seattle Resentful Pete Holmes Corrupt Enough They Forced to Learn What City Attorney Does
Tensions are high today say thousands of Seattle voters furious that Pete Holmes is corrupt enough they’ve now been forced to learn what a...
