Seattle-area Tooth Fairy Now Only Offering Bitcoin
In an effort to decentralize her financial operations, one Seattle-area tooth fairy says she is now only doling out fractions of cryptocurrency under the...
Curbside Couches in Central District Now Going for $100K Above Asking Price
After reviewing recent trends in the Central District’s curbside couch market, financial analysts are reportedly now advising prospective couch buyers to pay as much...
‘No-Dogs-On-Beach Signs Don’t Apply to You,’ Alki Beachgoer Reassures Dog
After intuitively sensing tension from others about his presence at Alki Beach, today a three-year-old golden retriever was assured by his owner the “No...
Local Nonprofit Quietly Hoping Steve Ballmer’s Marriage Crumbles Before Next Fiscal Year
After a bleak fundraising year stifled by the COVID-19 pandemic, one local nonprofit says their only hope to make it through the next fiscal...
Local Asshole Uses Merging Lane How It Was Designed to Be Used
The heads of several drivers stalled in Seattle traffic exploded today after witnessing an asshole drive down to the end of an empty merging...
Manager Horrified to Discover Intern Left in Office During Pandemic Now Feral
A sales manager at a South Lake Union office was left horrified today after discovering his intern had gone feral after he was accidentally...
Progress! Ballard Goodwill Donation Line Now Only Backed Up to Tukwila
Today residents from Federal Way are planning to bang pots and pans at 8 p.m. to celebrate the first day since May 2020 that...
Landlord Awaiting End to Eviction Moratorium Excited to Complain About Unrelated Surge in Homeless Population
With the nationwide eviction moratorium set to expire tomorrow, landlords across the country are eagerly awaiting the opportunity to complain about a massive incoming...
Bruce Harrell Vows Action After Hundreds of Tents Discovered Inside REI
Seattle Mayoral candidate Bruce Harrell held a news conference inside the Seattle-based sporting goods store today to blast City Hall for inaction after discovering...
Alpha Delta Lambda COVID Denies Fatal Hazing Rituals
Amidst increasingly damning allegations, today viral variant fraternity Alpha Delta Lambda denied all accusations that it intentionally facilitates routinely fatal hazing rituals.
“Look, asking pledges...
