Scientists Make First Contact with Lost Civilization Discovered in West Seattle
Following the long-awaited reopening of the West Seattle Bridge, local scientists were shocked to discover that a lost civilization was thriving in the remote,...
West Seattleite Too Excited About Bridge Re-Opening Blows Own Load Test
Upon hearing SDOT’s confirmation today that the repaired West Seattle Bridge had passed its final load test before re-opening this Sunday, one West Seattleite...
SPD Attempts to Arrest 68,740 People After New ShotSpotter Tech Reports Loud Noises at Lumen Field
A pilot program of Mayor Bruce Harrell’s new ShotSpotter gunshot detection technology ran into a snag this last weekend when the Seattle Police Department...
Both WB I-90 and WB 520 Bridges to Close This Weekend Because Fuck Bellevue
After back-to-back weekends of each Lake Washington bridge taking turns with westbound closures, today WSDOT announced that both WB I-90 and WB 520 bridges...
Nobel Prize Awarded to Only Downtown Coffee Shop with Open Public Bathroom
As the Nobel Committee announced its annual honors this week, today one local café was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize for being the only...
Local Non-Profit Politely Declines MacKenzie Scott’s Donation of Second Husband
Today local non-profit Meals on Wheels on Wheels announced that although it was honored to be selected as a beneficiary of a donation from...
Squirrel Bursts into Flames Signaling Six More Weeks of Heat Wave
Seattle meteorologists confirmed an additional six weeks of record Pacific Northwest heat waves today after local common gray squirrel Pyrotechnic Pete spontaneously burst into...
Landlords Now Requiring Dog’s Credit Score
Adding to the longer list of requirements renters must meet to secure housing in pricey and competitive rent markets like Seattle, local landlords are...
‘That Actually Happened in Unincorporated King County,’ Reports Guy from Enumclaw
Tonight a guy from Enumclaw reported that, for what it's worth, it actually happened in Unincorporated King County.
“It actually happened about five miles north...
Man Driving Ram Pickup Truck on I-90 Pulled Over for Failure to Tailgate
After putting countless cars on-edge wondering when the driver was finally going to almost rear-end them before speeding ahead rolling coal, local Ram pickup...
