Thousands of Engineers Flee Rainier Beach Suffering From Premature Gentrification
A large group of prospective Apple employees have fled the Seattle neighborhood of Rainier Beach this week after reportedly suffering from a mass onset of premature gentrification.
“When I moved here from Cupertino, we expected...
New Capitol Hill Streetcar to Travel 2-Block Trek from Frankie & Jo’s to Mighty-O’s
With the overdue and overbudget First Avenue Streetcar project on ice after a canceled contract, the City of Seattle announced Friday that it would instead fund a much-awaited Capitol Hill streetcar that will carry...
University of Washington Won’t Stop Bragging About Massive Endowment
Why hello! Are you amongst the throngs of eager masses pining for as much hot-off-the-pressing-of-many-buttons real fake local news as you can get?
Well then, make sure the social media witchcraft of algorithm doesn't keep...
Teachers Soon to Drag Their Lazy Asses Back to School
Nearly 60,000 Washington state public school teachers, notorious for their ample paid-time-off antics, will reportedly get back to remembering what a little hard work looks like when the first day of school starts this...
Citing Passion for Inclusivity, SeaTac Changes Name to SeaTacTukNoBuRentKent
To allay concerns about SeaTac Mayor Erin Sitterley’s ongoing public support of the white nationalist Trump administration, the city said it was proving its passion for inclusivity today by officially changing its name to...
Proud Boys Slain By Sex Minotaur at Center of Club Z Labyrinth
Police are investigating the disappearance of six members of the Proud Boys, a white power gang, who were last seen early this evening navigating the crumbling, endless labyrinth beneath Club Z by lamplight. The...
Quiz: Which Seattle City Council Candidate’s Mustache Are You?
With August 6 local primary and special election ballots due by mail postmark today or King County ballot drop box by 8 p.m. tonight, one big question still lingers for voters above all: Which...
KOMO Reports Orca Transients Taking Over Puget Sound, Residents Struggling
In another special report from KOMO reporter Eric Johnson, it appears the recession of the Puget Sound’s resident orcas may have a lot to do with the shocking local rise in mammal-eating transients.
“Is it...
Indefinite SR 99 Construction Also Applying For Historic Landmark Status
Hot on the heels of The Showbox music venue’s push for landmark status, another enduring city feature has applied for landmark status of its own: the eternal road construction of SR 99.
The famed tire-shredding...
Eastern Washington Militia Doesn’t Even Have Single Fleeing Oregon Senator In Compound
A remote Eastern Washington militia is crestfallen after failing to persuade a single Republican Oregon state senator to valiantly run shrieking to their compound to courageously shirk off their sworn responsibilities and heroically betray...
