SPD Announces It’s On Track to Meet 2025 Staffing Goals After All Thanks to New Pool of 1,500 Candidates
After struggling to hire enough officers even with recently increased salaries and bonuses, today the Seattle Police Department announced it’s unexpectedly on track to...
Thanks, I Guess? Inslee’s Last Act as Governor Just Changing State Flag to George Washington’s Feet
Outgoing Washington State Governor Jay Inslee announced today that his last gubernatorial act would be changing the state flag's design from George Washington's face...
Duwamish River to Remain Green for St. Patrick’s Day
The EPA and Seattle Department of Ecology announced today that the Duwamish River will stay green for the St. Patrick’s Day holiday, and probably...
Pacific Northwest Sends Firefighters to California to Help As Many As Possible Not Move Up Here
This week fire departments across the Pacific Northwest—including Seattle’s—sent hundreds of firefighters to California to help as many Los Angeles residents as possible not...
Parents Insist It’s Really, Totally Fine Son Chose Evergreen Over UW
In a highly anticipated family Zoom call tonight, local Seattle parents Sam and Bev Mosely insisted it’s actually absolutely fine their son Dan is...
Nazi Knocked Out Cold by Mean Capitol Hill Sticker
In a viral video that's already been shared over a million times in its first 24 hours, a Nazi agitator is seen harassing people...
Seattle Man Sells Out to Big Umbrella
In a shocking move that rattled friends and relatives today, Pacific Northwest native and temperate climate shill Rick Frink caved and bought an umbrella.
“My...
Ha! Local Man Spray Paints Penis On—Oh Shit, That’s a Different EV Brand
Fed up with the excuses people are making for still driving Teslas despite all the shame Elon Musk has brought upon the electric vehicle...
Mayor Harrell Orders Sweeps of Enchantments Campsites
Doubling down on what got him elected in the first place, today Seattle Mayor Bruce Harrell hit his re-election campaign trail with a new...
Green Lake Snowman Absolutely Riddled With Goose Poop
A fanciful frolic through the snow turned messy today after a Green Lake snowman was found to be absolutely riddled with goose poop.
"Oh God,...
