Galentine’s Day Gathering Picked Off One ‘U Up?’ Text at a Time
A thriving Galentine’s Day gathering has gone awry this evening as
a volley of romantic ‘u up?’ texts have wooed away its attendees one by one.
“Kate, you get your hands off that phone and place...
Great Wheel Operator Pushes Forbidden TURBO Button
Seattle Waterfront— After celebrating six years of working behind the control panel of the iconic Seattle Great Wheel tonight, 42-year-old operator Mary Jo Flaherty’s ability to resist the allure of the candy-apple red “TURBO”...
Fremont Troll Has Catalytic Converter Stolen from VW Bug
Seattle’s beloved Fremont Troll announced today that even he has now had his car’s catalytic converter stolen from literally right under his nose.
“Unbelievable—one second I’m distracted by another six-year-old trying to pick my nose...
REI Severance Package Includes Exclusive Coupon for 20% Off Your Next $100 Purchase
This week the 8% of the REI Co-op headquarters staff being laid off due to “increasing uncertainty” were relieved and even a little delighted to hear that their generous severance packages include an exclusive...
Black History Month Festival Permits Awarded to City’s Most Gentrified Neighborhood
Just in time for Black History Month, Seattle’s most gentrified neighborhood announced today that later this month they’ll be hosting a festival in Central District to celebrate the people, history and culture it's almost...
Local Family Celebrates Christmas Almost Satisfying as Watching This Year’s Queen Anne Sedan Snow Slam
Today local family The Harrisons basked in the glow of a Christmas Day so lovely, cozy and full of holiday cheer that it was nearly as satisfying as watching every clip of cars ricocheting...
Gov. Jay Inslee Mandates All Gifts for Bad Children Be Carbon-neutral by 2030
At a press conference in front of Climate Pledge Arena today, Governor Jay Inslee announced that he’s officially mandating Santa replace all coal he’s planning to give children on the naughty list with carbon-neutral...
Sound Transit’s Parents Laughing Hysterically After Reading Letter to Santa Asking for Working Escalators
The parents of Sound Transit were overheard howling with merriment tonight as they read the transportation agency’s letter to Santa Claus asking for operational escalators aloud to each other.
“Dear Santa, I have been a...
Move Over Bezos Balls: Here Comes Andy Jassy’s Glassy Assy
Move over Bezos Balls! CEO Andy Jassy has announced today that the mass Amazon layoffs will soon fund the region's newest vanity project, a state-of-the-art terrarium that many say shares a resemblance to an...
National Guard Summoned as Figgy Pudding Caroling Competition Enters 5th Day
After an endless volley of Christmas song choruses entered its fifth day at Pike Place Market, today Seattle officials finally called in the National Guard to disrupt an ongoing stalemate at this year’s fierce...
