Dead Grandma Wishes Family Would Stop Making Her ‘Famous’ Jell-O Salad
Today local dead grandmother Mildred Freemore announced that, after 20 years of floating above the Thanksgiving table, she’s officially had it with her memory...
First Person in History Exits Capitol Hill Station Exactly Where They Intended
After years of arduous exploration, today Seattle resident Nolan Rice became the first person in history to exit the Capitol Hill Light Rail Station...
Tired of Waiting for Dick’s, West Seattle Opens Muff’s
Finally fed up with Dick’s after it recently announced its next new drive-in fast food location would be in Everett, West Seattle proved it...
Dog Waiting for Mealtime Didn’t Sign Up For This Daylight Savings Bullshit
After mealtimes started suddenly being withheld from dogs across the city for what some canines are calling an eternity this weekend, one local pup...
Witch’s Curse Dooms Man to Pick Wrong Line at Dick’s for Eternity
After callously cutting off a local witch and stealing her parking space at the Wallingford Dick’s, one man has reportedly been cursed to choose...
Host at Buca Di Beppo Isn’t Actually Happy to Seat You Now
Tonight the host who has a table ready for your family to celebrate your grandma’s 79th birthday is reporting that, for the record, he’s...
Couple Celebrates 8th Straight Summer of Not Taking Ferry to Victoria
Tonight, a refrigerated bottle of fine Costco red wine is ready to celebrate Corey and Lisa Stottlemyre’s eighth consecutive summer of almost taking an...
Dick’s HR Department Just Gives Up
After years of valiantly combating thousands of inadvertently spoken HR violations, the Dick’s Drive-In Human Resources team announced today that it just can’t do...
Starbucks Introduces New Pumpkin Spice HEPA Filters
Determined to pump just as many customers with pumpkin spice spirit as ever despite oppressive wildfire smoke and resurfacing pandemic conditions, Starbucks released a...
Hidden Speakeasy Entrance Actually Just Some Guy’s Kitchen Window
The hottest new speakeasy in town abruptly shut down today after it was revealed that patrons had mistaken his kitchen window for a hidden...
