Canadian Border Patrol Sets Up Checkpoint In Vancouver, Wash. to Make Lost Idiots Feel Better
Out of an abundance of pity and politeness toward Americans with seemingly no grasp of geography, today the Canadian Border Patrol announced it would...
Worn-Out Rick Steves Recommends Indefinite Staycation in Edmonds
After years
of traveling as the eponymous host of Rick Steves’ Europe, the erudite guide
who once encouraged audiences to venture off the beaten path announced...
New Study Shows Mystery Liquid at Bottom of Kayak 90% White Claw and Pee
University of Washington researchers published a landmark study today confirming that the lukewarm, beige slurry that’s been sloshing around at the bottom of your...
DEA Classifies Molly Moon’s as Schedule 1 Drug
Citing its high overdose potential, today the Drug Enforcement Administration (DEA) officially added Molly Moon’s ice cream to its list of Schedule 1 substances.
“Molly...
Poll: Most Americans Would Rather Be Eaten By Sharks Than Live Through This Election
A new Discovery Channel poll today reveals a significant majority of likely American voters would prefer being devoured alive by sharks rather than live...
Mount Rainier No Longer Accepting Walk-Ins
After trying for too long to accommodate her growing social media popularity and worldwide fame, Mount Rainier has for the first time stationed a...
Man Protesting Drag Brunch Actually Just Protesting Brunch
This morning a man many thought was a homophobe as he loudly protested a Pride Weekend drag brunch on Capitol Hill was reportedly actually...
Bite of Seattle Promises Wide Variety of Zero Bites from Seattle
Featuring a wide variety of franchised food truck vendors from LA to Orange County, the Bite of Seattle’s new California-based owner and operator says...
Fremont Solstice Parade Bike Seats Tell Us What They Love Most About Eating Ass
So all of your queer and Gen Z friends have told you to not knock til you try it—but you still haven’t tried it:...
Uber Promises Big Tip If Sara Nelson Delivers Their Agenda On Time
With a vote on the rollback of the gig worker minimum wage bill expected as soon as next week, Uber is reportedly offering to...
