Orca Mafia Begins Charging Washington Ferries for Protection So No More ‘Accidents’ Happen to Rest of Fleet
As Washington State Ferries continues to deal with an aging fleet, vessel breakdowns and a lack of staff, local orca “entrepreneurs” have stepped in to offer protection to the remaining ferries to ensure no...
Alaska Airlines Rebrands to Psychedelic Skydiving Company
After a series of near-death experiences in recent months—including a pilot on shrooms trying to crash a plane and an entire chunk of the passenger cabin flying off mid-flight on Friday—today Alaska Airlines said...
Seattle Magazine Awarded as Top Source of Information on How to Get Away from Seattle
Today a venerated group of local Seattle tourism media influencers awarded Seattle Magazine the 2024 title for being the area’s top source of information on how the hell to get away from Seattle.
“When you...
Suspected Serial Killer Once Again Just Oregon Gas Attendant
A man suspected of stalking his victims at gas stations during road trips through the Beaver State with initially obviously no other intention but to kill was today revealed once again as just a...
Alaska Smooths Over Boeing MAX Blowout by Only Seating People Who Take Their Shoes Off During Flight Near Plug Doors
Following a dramatic incident in which a door flew off a Boeing 737 MAX during flight, Alaska Airlines reassured wary passengers today that they will take all necessary precautions to only seat people who...
Dog-Owning, Mountain-Climbing Brewmaster Realizes He Hates Dogs, Mountains, Beer
In a moment of inconvenient clarity atop Vesper Peak, one local man who has made his entire personality a combination of dogs, mountaineering, and brewing beer made the extremely unfortunate personal realization today that...
Starbucks Adds to Holiday Line with Savory Gravy Frappuccino
Building upon the popularity of its signature Pumpkin Spice Latte, this week Starbucks is hoping to permanently add to its holiday line of seasonal drinks another classic with its brand new Savory Gravy Frappuccino.
“The...
Local Mushroom Hunter Mounts Giant Head of Lion’s Mane Over Fireplace
To ensure everyone entering his household from this day forth knows he is at the top of the food chain in these Pacific Northwest forests, today a local mushroom hunter mounted the entire head...
47,215th Flyover Picture of Mount Rainier Confirms It’s Still There
Unsure of whether the 14,411-foot volcano looming over the Seattle metro area was still there, a team of about 108 Southwest coach passengers took flight this morning to confirm that it is still, in...
Dead Grandma Wishes Family Would Stop Making Her ‘Famous’ Jell-O Salad
Today local dead grandmother Mildred Freemore announced that, after 20 years of floating above the Thanksgiving table, she’s officially had it with her memory being defamed by everyone associating her with “grandma’s famous Jell-O...
