Seattle Resentful Pete Holmes Corrupt Enough They Forced to Learn What City Attorney Does
Tensions are high today say thousands of Seattle voters furious that Pete Holmes is corrupt enough they’ve now been forced to learn what a...
Seattle Kraken Already Relocated to Oklahoma City
Seattle Kraken fans were crushed today after learning that the team’s ownership, Seattle Hockey Partners, has announced that the fledgling team assembled just yesterday...
Ted Cruz Tragically Still Alive at 50
After being forced to watch Jeff Bezos and Richard Branson return from space with no consequences for their continued pillaging of the planet and...
New COVID Vaccine Lottery Threatens Non-compliant Citizens with Mariners Tickets
Following the announcement of cash incentive lotteries for vaccinated citizens, Governor Jay Inslee warned today that the state will also roll out a parallel...
Rainier Beer Unveils New Seattle-themed Seltzer Flavors Green Lake Water, Dick’s Deluxe and Gum Wall
Iconic Seattle beer brand Rainier has recently announced that they are hopping on the red-hot hard seltzer wave, revealing a bevy of new locally...
Thought of New Fast & Furious Film Only Thing That Kept Man Going Through Pandemic
While many turned to the support of family, friends, or newfound hobbies to endure the long lockdowns of 2020, it was the prospect of...
Amazon Launches Audit of U.S. Government After Owing $9 in Taxes
The United States government is currently undergoing a gigantic audit by Amazon, its corporate overlord, after the tech giant discovered today that the nation...
Loud Car Crash Unites Neighborhood More Than Pandemic Ever Could
A quiet street in Green Lake experienced an unprecedented moment of unity today after a loud car crash sent residents pouring out of their...
Man Can’t Believe Buy Nothing Group Not Pouncing on Half-Eaten Box of Waffles
A Ballard man has been left in disbelief today after not even a single member of his local Buy Nothing group showed interest in...
Vaccinated Man Shatters Windows with Sneeze He’s Been Holding in Since March 2020
A fully vaccinated Magnolia man is looking at a hefty repair bill today after releasing a sneeze that he’d been thoughtfully holding in since...
