Man Stuck in Aurora COVID Test Line Hoping to Make it Past Home Depot by Next Variant
With COVID cases surging and the Aurora testing line backed up for miles, one local man is holding out hope that he can make...
NextDoor User Reports Pervert Standing Outside Wearing Nothing but Top Hat and Scarf
The popular nosy neighbor app NextDoor is buzzing with concern today after a user reported warnings of an alleged pervert in the neighborhood wearing...
Broken Light Rail Escalators to Be Renamed the ‘Mitch Hedberg Memorial Temporary Stairs’
Today Sound Transit announced that instead of ever finding a way to make sure escalators at the Capitol Hill Light Rail station work at...
PCC Markets to Host Gluten-Themed Haunted House
Local clean-eating co-op grocer PCC Community Markets just announced that tonight they’ll be transforming their markets into spooky haunted houses called “Frankenfood Manor.”
“Member-customers will...
Cranberry Sauce Performs Seductive Little Shimmy Out of Can
Visitors of a local Thanksgiving feast were treated to dinner and a show today after a can of jellied cranberry sauce performed a seductive...
Man Unable to Vote After Being Buried in Avalanche of Campaign Mailers
A local man’s chances of reaching the ballot box were smothered today after an avalanche of election campaign mailers buried him alive after opening...
Single Withered Carrot Raised Aloft from Garden Like Excalibur
After an entire summer of carefully tending to a new vegetable garden on an at least daily basis, several witnesses say that neighbor Garrett...
Heartwarming: These Unvaccinated First Responders Weren’t Allowed to Spread COVID at Work So They Did It For Free
A heartwarming display of unsanitary civic showmanship was on display in Pioneer Square yesterday after former members of the Seattle Police and Fire Departments,...
The Next Kyrsten Sinema? This Woman Isn’t Planning on Doing Shit Today Either
Hot on the colorful heels of the Arizona senator’s refusal to attempt even the most basic duties of her elected office, a Capitol Hill...
Starbucks Recommends Pumpkin Spice Booster if Last Latte Was More Than 2 Hours Ago
After much speculation since the release of their fall flavors last month, coffee experts at Starbucks’ CDC (Caffeine Deficiency Center) officially announced today that...
