Dan Price Offering Everyone in America $70k to Forget All About This
In an unprecedented gesture of generosity—the likes of which the capitalist establishment has never seen—local former CEO Dan Price announced today he’s offering every...
Amazon Delivery Drone Swoops Down to Carry Roomba Back to Nest
Amazon’s Prime Day trial run of their new delivery drones this week reportedly still has a few bugs to work out after several of...
Bremerton High School Football Coach Swaps Gatorade Cooler with Communion Wine
Emboldened by the Supreme Court’s recent decision that finally allows him to lead group prayers at public school football games on the 50-yard-line, Bremerton...
Supreme Court Votes 6-3 to Officially Change Market Name to Pike’s Place
People all over Seattle today were horrified to discover that, hidden amongst last week’s unpopular Supreme Court decisions, was a 6-3 vote that has...
Neighbor Apparently Pretty Jazzed About 5th, 6th and 7th of July Too
Demonstrating a zest for life and/or explosions unbeknownst to most humans—many of whom could hardly even muster enough enthusiasm for the Fourth of July...
Downtown Seattle Business Area Renamed ‘South Lake Anti-Union’
In an unprecedented yet completely foreseeable effort to revitalize Downtown Seattle and the American economy along with it, today a group of compassionate local...
How to Mentally Prepare Yourself for the Mariners’ Season to Collapse Like the Tacoma Narrows Bridge
It’s mid-August and right about now a familiar thought creeps into the back of every fan’s mind—when is this whole thing going to fall...
Washington Health Officials Just Gonna Assume Local Monkeypox Outbreak Originated at Gum Wall
Officials from the Washington Health Department held a press conference today to announce that they’re just gonna assume a local outbreak of monkeypox most...
Seattle Freeze? This Woman Got All Weird After I Asked to Pet Her Baby
Before I moved to Seattle, everyone warned me about three things: bad weather, worse traffic, and the Seattle Freeze. As a parent, I heard...
Jenny Durkan Named ‘Special Corruption Advisor’ Ahead of 2026 FIFA World Cup
Losing no time to prepare after today’s announcement that Seattle would host 2026 World Cup games, FIFA’s president named former Seattle Mayor Jenny Durkan...
