Seattle Parks Agrees to Turn Its Children’s Playground Proposal for Gay Nude Beach Into Adult Playground
After the local LGBTQ+ community came out strong against a city proposal to build a new children’s playground at a longtime gay nude beach, today Seattle Parks announced it wanted to apologize for not...
Area Geoduck Wonders How Naked Man Breathes Through That Little Thing
Upon seeing a naked man in all his glory for the first time after a local New Year’s Day Polar Plunge today, one area geoduck says he’s just wondering how that guy breathes through...
Local Businesses Lit Up with Red, Green, White and Black in Solidarity with Palestine
Bravely taking a stand with millions of starving civilians being indiscriminately bombed every day with no safe place to go or escape, businesses across Seattle have been illuminating their buildings with red, green, white,...
Cinerama Theatergoer Not Sure If Chocolate Popcorn or Timothée Chalamet Performance Causing Vomit
Mere minutes into the highly anticipated re-opening of Seattle’s Cinerama featuring the just-released Wonka, one troubled theatergoer ran to the bathroom and reported she doesn’t know whether the chocolate popcorn or the Timothée Chalamet...
Thousands of Santas Gather in Seattle to Crush Child’s Imagination Forever
Today a merry flurry of hundreds of red suits, white fur trim, long beards and jolly bellies came together in Seattle to crush one local child’s imagination forever.
“I was gonna ask for a new...
QUIZ: Did He Ghost You or Is He a Washington State Ferry?
Sometimes it's hard to know whether he ghosted you or is just another Washington State Ferry taking off without you. Take our quiz to help you figure it out.
He said he’d show up at...
Naked Tree Seductively Drops Final Leaf
Eyes popped and tongues rolled out of panting mouths shouting “awoogah” today in Seattle when one naked tree culminated its dazzling, three-month strip tease routine by playfully tossing aside its final leaf to the...
Inclusive Gentile Coworker Follows Up Generous Passover Challah Gift with Hanukkah Matzo
Ever the champion for inclusion and cultural diversity, local gentile coworker Todd Wilkerson impressed his Jewish colleagues today by following up his impressive gift of challah bread for Passover earlier this year with a...
Witch Coven Disappointed No One Noticed They Opened a Portal to Hell in Bellevue
Today one local witch coven is confessing their disappointment that—after all the hard work they put into celebrating Halloween with everyone this year by opening a terrifying portal to hell in Bellevue—no one's even...
Ghosts Haunting Historic Capitol Hill Building Sick and Tired of These Transplant Ghosts Already
A meeting of Belmont Court’s Dead Homeowners Association (DHOA) grew tense today as the 94-year-old building’s otherworldly residents vented concerns about the culture-fit of its increasing numbers of transplant ghosts.
“I’m not seeing the same...
