Man Terrified New Friend Will Invite Him to Improv Show
After achieving the impossible dream of making a new friend as an adult, one local man confessed today that his desire for a new...
Lincoln Park Wildlife Was Actually Really Looking Forward to Those Pickleball Courts
After a group of West Seattleites recently won their months-long battle to keep Seattle Parks from constructing new pickleball courts in Lincoln Park because...
Pearl Jam Album Played Backwards Contains English Language
While searching for subliminal satanic commands, a young Spokane teenager was surprised to instead find discernible English words when playing Pearl Jam’s Yellow Ledbetter...
Bing Still Pretty Sure Millions of Former Google Search Engine Users Should Be Showing Up Any Time Now
After Google’s launch of its laughably inaccurate AI Overviews went so badly last week that users began checking out other search engines for the...
Area Reader Can’t Shut the Fuck Up About Silent Book Club
According to several friends, relatives and acquaintances, longtime area reader Allison Fentworth reportedly cannot shut the fuck up about her silent book club.
“Apparently, it’s...
How to Get Rid of Toxic Relationships by Becoming May Queen at Ballard’s Syttende Mai
There’s a lot of ways to get rid of toxic relationships according to your therapist, but none of them are quite as fun as...
Boss Celebrates Bike-to-Work Day by Giving Whole Office View of His Junk Jangling in Bike Shorts
As a special Bike-to-Work Day treat, this morning one local boss treated his entire Fremont office to a festive view of his junk jangling...
Report: Rainbows Really Gonna Have to Level It the Fuck Up
A report released today after a thorough overnight research study of Aurora Borealis confirmed that rainbows are in fact going to need to level...
First Capitol Hill Resident in History Visits Friend in Other Neighborhood
Today a brave adventurer became the first Capitol Hill resident in history to ever visit a friend in another neighborhood.
“We’ve been preparing Joey for...
Microsoft One-Ups OpenAI’s Scarlett Johansson ChatGPT Voice with New Eddie Vedder-Voiced Assistant, Jeremy
In the race to be leader of the AI era, today Microsoft one-upped OpenAI’s Scarlett Johansson-voiced ChatGPT by unveiling its new Eddie Vedder-voiced AI...
